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27 February 2014

Kisahnya...


Mahu rehat, tak tau mahu buat apa. Baca buku? Buku apa yang aku mahu baca? Study? Dude, seriously not the right time. Terfikir jugak mahu baca falsafah matematik tu, tapi lain kali saja la. Mahu baring tapi tak mahu tidur. Dah cukup dah aku melelapkan mata dalam bas tadi. So here I am, blogging once again. Sebenarnya aku memang suka berkongsi cerita, tetapi bukan dengan manusia. Aku tidak suka berkata-kata, tetapi aku suka menyampaikan cerita aku melalui tulisan. Sebab itulah dulu aku punya sebuah diari yang aku isi saban hari. Di situlah aku coretkan kisah-kisah yang bagi aku memberi signifikan pada aku ketika itu. Aku rasa, korang mesti boleh teka aku tulis pasal apa. Ya, crush aku suatu ketika dulu. Hmm... Bukan crush sangat pun sebenarnya, tapi mungkin... Aku cuma ada sedikit perasaan suka dan malu terhadap dia. Eh, suka? Tak sangat la kot. Malu ja yang lebih. Sekarang nie, rasanya aku tak sanggup lagi mahu baca luahan hati aku semasa aku berusia 12 tahun. Menampakkan betapa kurangnya kematangan aku pada usia yang sepatutnya aku dah mula faham selok-belok kehidupan. Ish ish ish. Rasa malu pada diri sendiri. Tapi Alhamdulillah, telah tiba saatnya aku menemui tujuan dan matlamat hidup. Eh, aku mahu cakap pasal apa tadi ya? Rasanya, bukan pasal benda nie, tapi tidak mengapa. Aku ingat lagi masa aku sekolah menengah rendah dulu aku selalu sahaja texting. Mungkin kadar texting aku itu boleh dikatakan kurang berbanding kawan-kawan sebaya yang lain, tapi aku tetap melakukannya. Aku selalu texting dengan seorang best friend aku yang bernama Aida Husna. Maklumlah, waktu tu kami pakai DiGi yang bayar hanya 1 sen untuk setiap text. Ya, di sekolah aku memang banyak pengguna DiGi, termasuklah diri aku sendiri. Aku kerap juga texting dengan si Ikhwan dan si Shahin, dua kawan lelaki yang rapat jugak lah dengan aku. Sejujurnya, dulu aku tak ramai kawan yang rapat sebab aku bukanlah seorang yang dikatakan friendly mahupun talkative, tapi aku tak kisah kerana mereka sudah cukup mewarnai hidupku yang lalu.

Sejak aku masuk PERMATApintar pula, aku perasan bahawa amalan-amalan yang aku nyatakan di atas semakin lama semakin menghilang. Diari? Agaknya, tiada masa aku untuk mencatat memori-memori yang indah ketikamana diri ini dihantui dengan tugasan-tugasan yang menanti untuk disiapkan. Tapi aku tetap gemar berkongsi cerita dan Alhamdulillah, blog ini sangat membantu. Sejak aku ada blog nie, aku jarang online di Facebook mahupun Twitter kerana kini aku mempunyai sebuah medium yang lebih syok untuk menulis. Tak perlulah bagi aku untuk menunggu orang menekan butang like pada post aku. Pada aku, kepuasan menulis adalah apabila aku berjaya menyampaikan apa yang tersimpan dalam benak fikiranku. Orang tak baca? Siapa kisah, bukan? Untuk texting pula, boleh dikatakan amalan itu sudah terhapus. Musnah. Hancusssssss. Semakin hari nampaknya handphone aku semakin senyap. Semakin tidak berbunyi. Kini fungsinya adalah untuk berhubung seandainya terdapat hal penting. Ha. Aku rasa salah satu faktornya ialah penggunaan LINE dan WeChat yang mempunyai peranan yang sama seperti texting. Maklumlah, di sini ada wifi free.

Hmm. Hari nie ada lawatan ke Seri Menanti dan Muzium Negeri Sembilan, tetapi aku hanya munculkan diri di muzium itu sahaja. Huhu. Yang paling menyedihkan, tiada siapa yang sudi belanja aku coklat. Sanggup T_T
Aku dah dibuang kelas dengan rasminya oleh ketua iaitu Hisyam, tapi tak pula dinyatakan yang aku dibuang keluarga, so aku assume yang dia masih adik aku. Aku taulah yang mereka lebih bahagia tanpa aku kan.. *tiba-tiba Ain Nasuha LINE "JANGAN NAK BUAT CERITA SEDIH SANGAT LAH KAN"* XD

Apa lagi ya? Oh, semalam Mr H datang dan bertemu dengan kami K1. Tu ha selfie bersama beliau (at the beginning of the post) B)

Satu quote yang aku perkatakan semalam
"Aku tau dia baik, tapi aku tetap akan nafikan fakta itu walau apapun yang terjadi"




22 February 2014

Let Her Go


Just watched this lyric video late in the afternoon and realised how much it applies to us humans

Well you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go
And you let her go~


I can't help but remind myself of the times when being with classmates felt so bliss. 
Of the times when we gather at the round table and crack up jokes.
Of the times when arguing just became a means of having the world equilibrated (or so to speak)
Of the times when we mock and laugh at each other
Of the times when we waited up for the others during lunch, and applauded their arrival
Of the times when debating makes the bond stronger
Of the times when we stay up all night just to finish up a class project
Of the weekends spent filming
Of the weekends spent having meetings
Of the moments worth cherishing, even though piles upon piles of assignments and homework await

But then again, how long do these things last? There're not gonna be there forever. Someday, we're all gonna die. Just the other night the Maghrib discussion was on how much we actually need to rely on The Almighty. Everything happens with the will of Allah, and it is something that we need to apprehend.

I happen to come across another Ustadh Nouman Ali Khan video which, somehow or another, is related to this whole thing (though it does seems to be a bit off topic but who cares)


21 February 2014

Dot

Ini testing jaaaa...

So daripada saya post kosong ja, lebih baik saya letak gambar2 quote. Betul bha kan? Ya.. Betul laitu.. Peas Peace






The third quote applies to me a lot. Gaining my trust once you've lost it is a task so difficult it'll take a lifetime to accomplish. -hyperbole-

18 February 2014

And Then There's That

What if I eventually become the person that I have always thought I would never be? There only exists a tiny line that separates the good side from the bad, and switching between those two is actually not as difficult as you may think. I remember back in those days when I was quiet and timid and rarely speaking, I used to think that "oh, I shall never be arrogant." (with the whimsical voice of an innocent young girl)

That's pretty much straightforward and clean. It puzzles me as to how a person would feel so proud of themselves, to the extent that they would not so much as look at the people of lower standards even if they used to be best buddies. But now, the reason has become clearer than never before; and it scares the pants outta me (sorta). It's a nightmare, to imagine that the future you would be the exact type of person you have always hated.

Verily actions are by intentions, and for every person is what he intended...

16 February 2014

Choices

Khairul Ain had just left. (Phew) I was just seconds away from reaching my keyboard when she plunged in and made havoc =='

No matter. I was initially planning on writing about how sleepy I currently am, but there's more to life than sleep.. So.. (as a matter of fact it is the second time today that she became the barrier between me and slumber. Not sure whether that's a good thing or a bad thing)

Since earlier today I was greeted by news that requires me to make a decision, that would be exactly what I shall be speaking of in this post. Several time in life we encounter a fork road (or fork path?) and we tend to spend a lot of time just deciding on the left or the right. But most of the time, such ample leisure can never be obtained and you have to come to a right choice sooner than you can say I love broccoli.

Some decisions are huge and will unleash its effects in the long run, and in these cases you will have to choose right. Istikharah. Ask for guidance from Allah as it is He who knows best. By performing Istikharah (as I have read from a website), you shall be confident that the choice that you picked is the best. Even if you find yourself somewhat proven wrong in the future, know that what might appear good or bad may not be as we think they would be. Belief. Believe that what Allah has in store for you is the best plan you could ever wish for.

Doa. It's the moment when we raise our hands and pray that we realise how small and weak we are and how much we depend on Allah.

13 February 2014

The Essay

It's been a while since I last updated this blog. Apparently my mind has nothing to say for the time being, either due to the fact that the week has been hectic or that it simply refuses to function say anything. So, what's so damn hectic about the week? Cultural Day. I'm in the Borneo team and we're pretty much busy doing the best we could to make sure the audiences would be left in awe and amazement. 

Just the other day - Monday to be exact - I squinted my eyes to look at my calendar and realised that something huge is gonna happen on Friday. I wrote there "Illinois noti =='". Yup. I have applied for UIUC and the notification is to be released sooner than I thought. How fast time flies. Time and tide wait for no men. I have done my calculations. The noti would be out at 4.00 p.m. February 14th, CST which is equivalent to 2.00 a.m. February 15th Malaysian time. I can choose to stay up in anxiety - bite my fingernails and sweat like crazy - and wait for the release or I could peacefully be in my slumber and check it out first thing in the morning. Either way, I just hope to be mentally and physically ready for such a nerve-wrecking moment. In the end, it is Allah's decision that is best.

So, since I don't think you readers are getting any benefit whatsoever from reading my blog, it would be my greatest pleasure to share with you people my essay. UIUC application essay.
The prompt goes like this:
Tell us about one interest or experience................. Please limit your response to approximately 300 words.
You know what the toughest part is? 300 words. How do they expect me to tell a story in just 300 words? Well, I guess the reason is that they don't want the applicants to crap and waste their time (which I have a very high potential of doing). And here's my response. Took me quite some time to actually unravel my past and seek precious moments. Sure, you'll find way awesome-er essays out there but here it goes *gulp*

My name was never famous for sprints, long-distance, or any sort of running for that matter. But I wanted to prove, not to others but to myself, that I can push myself beyond the people's expectations. I saw nobody to my left or to my right, to my back or to my front. They were probably too far ahead or too far back, but I hoped for the latter no matter how ridiculous it sounded. 

09 February 2014

4 + 2 hours

Memang patut pun aku dimarah. Malu tu.. Memang malu gila la, tapi kesalahan itu tetap pada aku. I'm not doing this hard enough. Not all out. I'm hesitating, that's all. Improvement comes but only with practice and determination. I take the plus side of the scolding that I just received (though the fact that the guys are right there staring at me makes the whole thing worse). I need to stay focused. Strong. This is the time I actually learn the skills that will assist me greatly in dealing with the remote future that I know not of. So why quit. I am no quitter. Period. I gauge my learning speed in sports and found that it is somewhat similar to my learning History. Slow. Snail. Molasses. Lambat. Aku tau, cikgu mau anak didik dia semua berjaya. I take her words as a push forward, and that's better for me than to think it otherwise. In the end, the softball team is just one big family. Kita nie satu keluarga. Jangan nak terasa-terasa. She's right.

05 February 2014

Hey

Between humility and low self-esteem, there exists a line that tells us that the two ought to be seen as totally distinct characteristics.~ 

03 February 2014

Hari Ini

So now I'm stuck with two options: to continue writing my debat text (which is due tomorrow) or to blog. Since you're currently reading this post (or so I assume), I'm sure you know which option I picked. A number of good-enough-to-be-called-memories happened today, and I guess I'll start with.... night-time. Us Borneo's or Borneons whatever had a small gathering to discuss about cultural day. Turns out we had to go as one "different" culture; that is, to not go with our respective language class bla3. And once again I'm in this situation where I don't know where I belong to. It felt warm though, to have people of whom you can relate to and people who understands you to be around .

Prep time: conversation between me and Ain Nasuha
Me: I know "it" won't happen. I bet on it
Ain: Don't look down on yourself man...
Me: Nahh.. Still betting on it