Superior

Disklemer: Ini semua pendapat peribadi semata-mata. 

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The Belief in A Superior Power

Aka God. I feel lucky being born into a family whose religion holds the believe in a God. And not just one God; the one and only God. No other. And that religion is Islam. I'm not gonna talk about theology in this post. Rather, my opinion on the meaning of life (although this is coming from a mere kid who has not enough experience on what life has to offer).

I sometimes ponder what it feels like to have no belief in a superior power - any power, that is - who is the Creator of the world and everything in it. How people strive so hard to look for answers about the origin of life through what they call scientific research, when the answers are crystal clear to a believer of God. God created life. Period.

But some people claim that that cannot be tested scientifically, thus ignoring that God created life altogether. But isn't it more illogical to say that the world 'accidentally' happened on its own? That some genes in a single cell 'randomly' mutated thus giving rise to the life species as we can see today? Isn't that explanation way more preposterous than simply believing that God created us all? (If you want to read more about molecular evolution stuff, continue reading. If not, skip the next paragraph)

Based on what I've learned in an introductory biology course in college, we all come from one unicellular organism. The cell replicates itself over and over and over until a DNA mutation occurs. And contrary to popular belief, mutation occurs at random, not because the organism wants it or needs it to happen. Once a mutation occurs, the cell changes. The replication and mutation keeps going on until more and more species starts to appear. The following simplified tree of life explains this process. Some of the evidences of evolution includes the fact that all species share the same molecular code which is ATCG for DNA and AUGC for RNA. You can read more about this online. Or you can ask me, of course

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A few weeks ago I stumbled upon this show called Ancient Aliens on History Channel. Apparently it's about some scientists investigating the possibility that events in the past are caused by aliens. That day, the topic was about Noah's Ark. They were proposing that instead of being caused by God, the huge flood was caused by aliens. And they started doing some thorough investigation. I didn't finish the episode because it got pretty boring. 

Don't get me wrong though. I'm not saying that science is wrong. Scientific research is essential to understanding things going on around us. In fact, science is what helps us understand what God has created for us.

Sometimes, people look everywhere to find the reason to live; the meaning of life. Some look for it in fame and fortune. Some look for it in wealth and health. Some look for it in friends and family. But that's the problem about this world. It's full of temporary things and it itself is temporary. As a result, we constantly crave for more as we lose those worldly things. For me, my answer is that I live to be the servant of God. At least, that's what I set my goal to be, and everything else comes after that.

Death is Like Sleep

During my first semester in college, I was in this class called Quran Exegesis which talks about the Quran (duh). So one of our discussions was about the verse that relates death with sleep:

"God takes the souls (al-anfus) at the time of their death, and those that die not during their sleep; then He withholds those on whom He has passed the decree of death and sends the others back till an appointed term; most surely there are signs in this for a people who reflect." (Qur'an 39:42)

The question is, is death really like sleep? Are we in a dream-like state after we die? When we 'wake up' from the dream like state (aka Judgement day), do we remember the dream? How long will the dream-like state last? As we know from experience, dreams can be very vivid and very convincing that we might confuse a dream with reality. Also, we lose the sense of time when we sleep, meaning that an 8-hour sleep just flew by like a breeze. Is that what death feels like? Obviously none of us have the exact answer, but you can read more about it online.

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Well, I think there's some more for me to say, but I'm not used to writing long, serious posts. Maybe next time?

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Backspaces

Who knew time flew so fast huh? From reaching KLIA the other day to having a week's worth of jet lag to starting with online classes to Ramadan to catching up with old buds. Now it's less than three weeks left of my online summer courses which means less than three weeks of my summer holiday. In other words, I have to start getting my shit back together for the next three years of college.

Dammit this is so true. Wasted crap on textbook that I don't even read (Credits)

Actually I just found the meme on the internet and was frustrated at how much it really applied to me.

Anyway, I'm glad to say this summer (it's always summer in Malaysia) didn't go to waste. Here's a list of things that I managed to accomplish up to this point:

1. I learned how to drive. Don't have a license yet but planning to get one in the states.

2. Almost finished watching Fresh off the Boat.

3. Almost finished online summer courses (although I'm not sure how my grades will end up)

4. Finished reading a book (although I wish I could've completed even more books in the summer)

But most importantly,

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5. Survived Ramadan. Now it's already Syawal. My Ramadan goal every year is to not have any regrets after Ramadan is over. No reminiscing the times I could've added more pages to my Quran-reading or more rakaat's during taraweeh. Alhamdulillah I'm happy with this year's ramadan, and hope to improve again next year. I do miss having Ramadan in PERMATA. That was the first time I took every opportunity that Ramadan has to offer, and I began to wonder how many previous Ramadans I have left wasted.

Oh and I almost forgot (actually I didn't forget. I just wanted to put this off until the end of the post).

I get to meet up with some of my closest friends: those from Sabah and those from PERMATA. I'd say, teenage life are the golden days. You grow up with the best friends you'll ever make in life. Because trust me, once you get to college, you'll find it harder to make meaningful, long-lasting relationships and friendships.

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And there comes a point in life where we encounter a fork in the road with numerous branches. That's when those whom we have been together with for so long have to go separate ways. And we're left wondering what'll happen 10 years into the future. Well, whatever happens, we have to keep moving forward because you know what? There's no backspaces in life.

p/s: I'm not good at metaphors

Rumput Itu Lebih Hijau

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Ever heard the phrase "The grass is greener on the other side"?

Sure you have! You think about it all day long don't you? At least I tend to. Well, not all day long *defensive mode*. I think about it when I think about it. Fair enough.

For those of you boring, literal, non-metaphorical people, the metaphor above refers to the human's tendency to look at other people as being more fortunate than they are. Hence, it always looks better on the other side than on our side.

Weird huh? If the grass is always greener on the other side, and our "other side" is the other side, and the other side's "other side" is our side, then which grass is actually greener? I'm not sure if you even understood with that awkward statement but if you could just bear with me, I assure you that you'll get even more confused. Eh?

The point is, sometimes we get too caught up in what others have and we don't, that we forget what we do have and we fail to take advantage of that. Take vision for example. Some people would dream of being blessed with the gift of sight and here we are, failing to appreciate this wonderful gift. That's just a simple example. I'll leave it to you guys to think of even more.

Truth is,

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The grass is greener where you water it. Why waste time looking over the fence when you can spend your time working on perfecting your own lawn? In other words, stop comparing what others have! Start improving yourself with what you already have!

So next time you see someone sheepishly peering over their fence to take a look at your lawn, just give them this piece of advice: Water your grass you lazypants!

The Great Gatsby

It was finals week. Everyone else was pulling up an all-nighter, studying their ass off for the final the next day. What was I doing? I was having a novel-reading marathon. Yup. Finished more books that week than the amount of books the whole year. One of the books that I've read, as you might guess, is The Great Gatsby. It was one of the books listed on the must-read books list on goodreads so I borrowed it from the library.

I haven't seen the movie before I went read the book, so I pretty much didn't know the story at all. What immediately caught my attention was the quote at the beginning of the book. It was a quote by the author's father.

"Whenever you feel like critisizing anyone, just remember that all the people in this world haven't had the advantages that you've had" - Nick's dad

That's just one of the truest quotes I've ever read my entire life. Nick's dad must've been a genius! Anyway, I do not intend on elaborating the quote, mostly because I'm not qualified enough and partially because I think it's wonderful for us to ponder upon it on our own. Mind-blowing, when you read and internalize it again and again.

The Great Gatsby was a great book, but it was also one of the few books that I hardly understand a thing. I mean, I do understand the events, but I don't think I fully understood the main gist of the book. ie the hidden meaning and all those literature stuff. I also read 1984 and Animal Farm by George Powell. All of them are heavy books that I'd recommend to anyone looking for some tough reading. Anyway, I've run out of words to say. I'm also dangerously running out of ideas to write in this blog. Hope the quote above blew you away just as it did to me.

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I Think I Was Born Feminist

One of my favourite cartoons was Avatar the Last Airbender. I watched the whole four seasons three freaking times on tv! It was legit the most epic cartoon series ever! (Hi five to those who think the same. You guys rock!). My favourite character of all time is by the name of Toph. It's this kid right here:

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She's a blind orphan who mastered earth bending from badger moles and could actually 'see' her surroundings by feeling the ground using here bare feet. She was exactly the girl I wanted to be: tough, independent, and carefree. She was also famous for her crankiness and short temper. She likes her name - Toph - because it sounds exactly like tough.

Now let's move on to one of my favourite Disney movies (after Monsters Inc.): Mulan. I think almost everyone my age out there have seen this movie at least once in their lifetime. It's the story of Mulan who goes to fight the war by dressing up as a man, since only men were allowed to go to war.

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What do these two have in common? They're fighters. Independent female figures who defy the stereotype against women and show others what they're really capable of doing. As a child, I was fascinated by that idea. Not only that. I also grew furious every time I watch a drama portraying a female getting abused by a male. I disapproved of such symbolization of women; that we are weak and easily manipulated and unable to have our say in a given hierarchy.

But that was long before I knew the term feminism existed. It was just in my instincts that women should be portrayed as a strong and important figures, capable of so much more than merely the dependence on men. Sure, men and women have different roles in society. The only way feminism can work is if men receive the rights of men and women receive the rights of women. But I believe that if women do not need to be protected BY men and FROM men, the world would've been a more peaceful place.

Bottom line: Go watch Avatar the Last Airbender!

"You educate a man, you educate a man. You educate a woman, you educate a generation." -Brigham Young

The 'A' Victim

As scary as the title sounds, it is.

*looks sideways to see if coast is clear*

*runs for dear life while flailing hands and screeching like a wild, messed-up baboon*

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Okay so I'm definitely not the first person to preach "The number of A's on your transcript don't matter", but I feel that I, too, would like to share my own experience of being "The 'A' Victim"
*evil laugh and creepy flashing lights*

First of all, I was admitted to a regular daily school for both my primary school years and lower secondary school years. That's age 7-15 years old for you peeps who's asking. Typically, the goal of each student is to score as many A's as they can get for the standardized test at the end of primary school and lower secondary school known as UPSR and PMR respectively. As a result, lots of time and money are spent towards ensuring that a piece of paper has stacks of A's printed on it. I, of course, wasn't excluded.

"But ma'am, are you saying that I should neglect studying altogether?" questions an imaginary young girl with innocent blue eyes.

"Absolutely not!" replies the author of the blog, suggesting to the imaginary girl to read until the end of the post to truly understand its contents.

Me from the past spent most of her days studying for exams. With her big brother in boarding school and her dad in a different state (due to work reasons), she was only home with her mom with nothing to do for fun but watch tv or surf the Internet or play games. That was her typical daily routine: study, TV, Internet, games, and sometimes going out on the weekends. Me from the past, unlike me from the present, didn't think the routine was boring, for she had been going through a similar cycle ever since she could remember. Of course, she undoubtedly have an unbroken chain of A's on her UPSR and PMR transcript.

Now back to the future: the present. Upon entering upper secondary education at PERMATApintar, I have begun to question what me from the past have learned. All those years in school and I've learned too few, if anything, about life. I've learned too few, if anything, about myself. It is in PERMATApintar that I've discovered so many things; more than what I've discovered hitherto. Going through interviews and college applications, I learned that your personality is what sets you apart from everyone else.

So, as a student, what should you do? Sure, your exam scores do somehow reflect how responsible you are with you current job: a student. The goal of getting an A is a decent one, and everyone should have that goal. However, you should never, ever let that goal limit your vision of the endless discoveries of life. Explore your interests, do what you like. e.g. If you are intrigued by science, join some science program out there, read about it, and let your inner curiosity take over. Why? Because the answer to the question "What do you wanna be when you grow up" can only be answered with full honesty if you know what exactly makes you jump up and down for joy.

There's lots of things that you can get involved in, and it does not necessarily have to come from the school. The Internet is absolutely a great way to start (for you younger ones, I believe adult supervision is necessary). Engage in science forums, join an online art class, read advanced literature if you're a lit geek (I'm sure they exist somewhere on the web). Learn about your religion, memorize the Quran, learn a new language, read about what happened today in history. The possibilities are endless!

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It's a bit late of a realization for me. But I guess this experience has enabled me to write this post today from a personal point of view. It's not until I entered PPN that I started taking baby steps away from the hands of the A catastrophe. I've recently just completed my first year in college. In my second year I experimented my time management skills by taking part in so many different things that I barely have time to study. But it all turned out okay.

The bottom line is, whenever you see a chance for you to make a journey of self-discovery, grab it, even if it means losing (some of) your study time.

Trust me, I'm a college student B)

Freshman Year (and I'm gonna be here for the next four years)

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Freshman year as a UofI student, I lived in the residence halls. More precisely, a female-only residence hall by the name of Busey-Evans, located in the heart of campus. They say living in the halls is expensive (which, in fact, is not false) but my one-year of being a resident of Evans, I dare say it's worth the hole in your poket. And I'm about to share with you why

1. Friends

I'm neither good nor quick at making friends. Often times, I find myself befriending very few people, compared to others. But there's a perk of being in some place new where absolutely no one knows you: they don't know you! As in, you can be anyone you want when you meet them the first time.

So I used this idea to approach random people in the dining hall and say, "hey, can I sit here?". And that's how most of my friendships come from. What makes this easy is that almost everyone in the halls is freshman, and all of them are eager to make new friends. So why not give it a start huh?

I was one of the fortunate ones who ended up rooming with one of the closest friends that I made during my first year. She's a Korean who happens to live in malaysia because her father owns some kind of Korean market somewhere in KL, so we had a common ground to begin with. Then she met this Asian American (literally means a chinese who was born in America) and the three of us became really close friends. See, although I have trouble making friends, I do cherish friendships that I can rely on, like these two.

Asian-American, Malaysian, Korean-Malaysian

2. Food (not really)

Well, when you keep seeing the same food over and over for a whole year, you'd probably develop a sense of hatred towards what they call "dorm food". And imagine just being able to eat rice with tasteless vegetables and if you're lucky, with fried shrimp or salmon. They do have a variety vegan options such as spinach lasagna and spaghetti but still... I want my sambal belacan!!! T_T

I was very lucky they had rice for every meal. I think that I could possibly become a zombie if I dont consume rice for a day. Huh... Asian crisis. On the positive note however, having meal plans mean that you do not need to bother preparing a meal for yourself. It's all ready and all you need to do is go downstairs to the dining hall

This is the point where I got so tired of their food

3. Location

Omg this is my favourite part! Okay the thing I really love about my hall is its proximity to most of my classes on campus. One time, I woke up 20 mins before class and I literally just jumped out of bed, washed my face, brushed my teeth, got ready and ran off to class. And I made it in time!

Okay sure, I cheated. I didn't shower. (don't tell my 8am lab partner that I never shower before I come tp lab. dont judge me!) But who cares? I wasn't late
This wouldn't have been made possible had I lived further. I would have to wait for the bus but even then I'd be late. I usually walk to class from my halls and I love walking.

4. Resources

Yup. You paid loads for this baby. Might as well just use it. There's a gym which is walking distance from my halls. Sadly I seldom visit it :( I used to go once a week in Fall but the frequency significantly decreased in the next semester. They also have a library and a computer lab in the halls. Both are great study spaces.

Bottom line? From experience, I believe that spending that extra cash to live in the residence hall your first year is definitely worth it, provided that you don't stay cooped up in your room watching Netflix all day. :)

Plot Twist #0

Plot Twist:
I've decided to disregard my previous intention of abandoning this blog once and for all.

So hi guys! I'm back!

krik krik krik

Anywho, I've come to realise that I just cannot abandon writing altogether. My life is incomplete without type-type-typing out ridiculous things on a blog every once in a while. Wasting your time is all part of the plan.

I must say, my writing has been reduced to a level lower than I could imagine possible - so low that it's wearing fluffy UGG fur boots. *budum tuss*

It's okay if you didn't get that part. I told you how strange my writing is after a while. Which is why I believe this comeback is necessary.

To get things started, let's ramble about the thing that's happening to me right now: finals.
DUMDUMDUM.....

Wow. I can't believe how fast time flies. I know it's common to say that, but only coz it's the truest truths out there. I've ended my freshman year in college. I'm moving on to the next phase: sophomore. A phase where I have no excuse of not knowing stuff or messing up. "You're no longer a freshman" someone might remind me even though I do not need any reminders that I am already getting older. Responsibility ain't as appealing as it sounds peeps.

Well, gotta get back to the stack of papers to my left that's used as scratch paper for my Computer Science final exam practice and also my calculus. Who knew writing codes on paper can be so frustrating.

Anticipate future posts peeps.

That Familiar Face

So there's this one guy. I started to acknowledge his existence when I went to the window of my room one day and saw him walking towards the bus stop. I thought to myself, as I usually do whenever I saw a familiar face, "I've seen this guy somewhere. But where?".

It didn't matter to me back then, so I just let the thought wander off while I continue doing what I was doing (probably getting ready for class. I couldn't recall).

One day in CS lecture, while waiting for the lecture to begin, I, out of habit and the fact that I sit at the back-most of the room, looked around the hall and was astonished to see that guy sitting some rows in front of me. It's the bus stop guy, I immediately concluded. No wonder he looked familiar back then. We're in the same CS class! So that was it. I've gotten my answer. I've labelled him as the CS guy whom I saw outside my window one day and put the memory in the back of my head.

However, it seems that this was just the first piece of puzzle. In Chemistry lab, I saw the same face yet again! He's the guy who's stationed at the same row as me! Well, it's not that I've never seen him before. Rather, I've started to notice how similar he looks compared to the CS guy whom I saw outside my window one day. Strange. My neurons started furiously to dig up the memory that I've buried deep inside my brain. I couldn't really match the two faces, so I decided to wait until the next CS lecture to compare. In the meantime, I stored the Chem lab dude's face into my memory.

Instead of answering existing questions, I was bewildered my more questions that started popping up while none were answered. On the third MCB exam, I saw him yet again! We were taking the exam in the same room! It was weird how I never noticed him in the previous two MCB exams and only saw him today.

So wait a sec. He's in my CS lecture AND Chem lab AND MCB lecture? Is he even the same guy?? What are the odds of a person taking three of the same subjects? If he were an MCB major, why was he taking CS? wtf. Too many questions, so little clues.

Later that week, I was determined to examine him as closely as I can. in CS lecture, I made a mental note of all the small details: his bag, the shirt that he wears, his hair. I tried to match that to the guy I see in Chem lab. I still had no certainty that they were the same guy. They might have been twins right?

During the second to last week of Chem lab, I was determined to just confront him and ask if he was taking any CS courses. It's now or never. But being timid me, it took me a whole lot of internal mental battle to actually say something to him. So the lab went on for about half an hour without me having the courage to talk to him. Just when I was about to get some I2 solution at the back of the lab, I saw him there. I knelled down to pour the solution into my beaker when all of a sudden, he spoke first, "You're like in all my classes". I was stunned - actually my brain was stunned - which led me to the dumb response, "Oh really?"

Seriously? That was my best response? What the f are you thinking?
I went further on, "So you're in CS?".
Yes dumbass. Don't act as if you haven't already been watching him for the past few weeks!
I finally asked him what major he was. "Bioengineering", he said. So that explains why he's taking all this classes. And that was it. The conversation could've been better. But that was it.

Wow. I thought I was the only person who had been watching him. Turns out, he noticed me as well.

Now the semester has ended. We never talked ever since. I sort of wished some sort of friendship could actually grow from that conversation. I have yet had any guy friends here. Sigh.
I currently following the series "My Love from another star". There was a quote from there that I found really powerful but I forgot its exact words.
"If it was destined, wouldn't it be that we will meet again one day no matter what?"
That was lame. Don't remember the exact words.

And so ends my first year in college. Bittersweet moments. Three more years to go