Kali Pertama

i.

I was walking down the aisle in the library (UIUC UGL at that), looking at the books and at the same time thinking about how Malay dramas picture two college students have eye contact when they were in a situation similar to one that I was currently in. I was waiting for that moment to happen to me - a (cute) guy would be on the other side of the bookshelf, searching for books but found me instead. But guess what? It didn't! There wasn't a single soul down the aisle apart from me.

And as I sat down at one of the empty tables in the library, I awaited with patience for a guy to just approach me saying, "Hey, can I sit here?". Then we would start getting to know each other and he would start having a crush on me and he would buy me things, drive me places, give me free rides, do anything I ask him to do and in the end I shall dump him (this has been explained in my previous post, Kontradiksi). This library-is-where-I-met-that-special-someone situation has been shown in numerous dramas. Surely they must be true right? Wrong! I sat there for five whole minutes and still no sign of any cute guys wanting to sit with me. :(

So I made a drastic conclusion: Dramas are the biggest liars of all time. Period. That's why I gave up on dramas since the beginning of time. They simply give you false hopes, like the one I had while standing between two huge bookcases. Fictions give you false hopes too. Well, everything in this worldly life gives you false hopes. Hooray for that.

This thing is too cute :3

ii.

Just yesterday I was attending the Speech Team info night, wondering what the hell I was doing there. I mean, I am in no circumstances interested in such a competitive activity. So why the heck did I sign up for something that I know I won't want to get involved in? This ultimately brings me back to something someone said during the MSA (Muslim Students Association) girls meeting:

"Try something new. I never liked tomatoes. Someone made me ate it and now I kinda like it a bit."

Try something new. Speech Team? Nah.. I'm still not interested. I did try to eat steamed/boiled Brussels Sprout and it turned out to be disgusting. And I used to wonder how real strawberries and blackberries and raspberries tasted like. I didn't like them. I prefer grapes. I danced. No, not real dancing. There was one night when our RA invited us to play Wii. I always wanted to play Wii. I thought we would be playing football or something. But no. We danced. And I kinda liked it a bit.

Another thing I would like to highlight is that during the orientation, the Dean promised all of us students that we would not be the same person as we are now when we graduate from UIUC. I wanna see that one come into play. Probably I'll go around dressed up as a chicken or something. That's something different right? Well, on a more serious note, I am hoping to change for the better. People change, so let's make that change beneficial for us and for those around us.

iii.

I was got on the bus to go back to my dorms. There was an empty seat next to me. Upon realising that, a guy whom I don't know just came by, sat on the empty seat, held out his hand and introduced himself to me. I was surprised to say the least, but I immediately apologized, saying I can't shake hands with him. He seemed cool with it. He was being really friendly, and I am not very comfortable with guys who are "too friendly". We had a small chat about the usual: what's your major? where do you live? etc. Then there was silence. Like, dead silence. Awkward silence. So awkward that I wish things would have turned out differently; I could've gotten on another bus, I could've just stood in the bus, I could've just chose to walk. But the thing is, I didn't! And now I'm stuck in this dimension of awkwardness, if that even exists. By the time I got off the bus, he said "Bye" to which I reciprocated with the same word.

That was one of the most embarrassing moments in my life.

iv.

Anywho, it's Jumuah and almost two whole weeks of me in the United States and one whole week of being a college student (see the word I used there? "college"). Miraculously things have gotten well enough for me (Alhamdulillah). PERMATA seniors love to mention how their experience in PERMATA has aided them in life in university, and I would like to agree upon that. You see, back in PERMATA there was all this pressure of getting assignments and other stuff done. Be it volunteer work, research, making a model of a stadium, and now I am more than grateful with what I have gone through in PERMATA

I happen to be enrolled in a compulsory English Rhetoric course. It was something about thesis writing. And the instructor said, "I guess all of you must've worked on a thesis at least once" and I thought about how lucky I am to have had the opportunity of writing a research paper previously. So I didn't feel that much left out when the others nodded to the instructor's statement. There are lots of other instances that I can set forth, but this insignificant little blog post could not contain such personal diaries of the author herself. (I do have a diary if you must know)

v.

I am looking forward to a great 4 years of college life. As for others who might be reading this: pursue your dreams. You'll get to where Allah wants you to be. InsyaAllah.

Just another quick note: A lot of people said that my name, Aini, is a pretty name. Kbye

Kontradiksi

Sekarang nie aku takut pada dua perkara

1. Aku akan dapat boyfriend (which is very unlikely but no possibilities shall be ruled out no matter how absurd it may seem)

2. Aku takkan dapat boyfriend (which is apparently a scary thought)

And I'm like, aku merepek apa kat sini nie. Actually this thought invaded my innocent mind several days before I leave Malaysia and I don't know how it's even there. Kenapa aku takut aku akan dapat boyfriend? Simple. Sebab aku tak pernah ada boyfriend selama ini. I have 17 years of experience of being single and watching people being not single. So I'm more of a spectator rather than a participant. Now, reality scares me (as quoted from Fatihah's blog). I'd be seeing more and more of these species. And what if I become one of them? I don't know how it could be possible especially for someone like me, but I've seen enough decent people who ended up in a relationship that pretty much turned their lives topsy turvy. Not to blame them. Just to point out the fact that you can never be too sure that you will remain as good as a person as you always have been.

As for the second one, yes, aku takut aku takkan dapat boyfriend. Kenapa? Sebab I thought of college life and I thought about having company that'll make my college life meaningful and unforgettable. Just yesterday morning a senior mentioned that life in UIUC would be great if you can make friends, because here, there are no attractions nearby that we can actually visit. Sounds a lot like PERMATA actually. I mean, PERMATA is in the middle of nowhere and we only have ourselves as company. Making friends makes life less painful in PERMATA.

So obviously the senior mentioned "friend", not "boyfriend". Duh. But again I can't stop thinking how it would be like with and without one. To be frank, back in school I used to have really close guy friends. Ones whom I can joke around and hang out with. And girl friends all around me. But of course college life is way different. I'd be loner without a boyfriend. LOL. This is shit talking. A boyfriend can drive me places, buy me food, give me (free) rides, and be there when I need him. At the end of college year, I shall dump him, because obviously he is of no use to me any more. I am a bad, bad person.

Come to think of it, one should never get too attached to another human being. Why? Because we're only temporary. We should never totally depend on a human because we never know what might happen tomorrow or the next day or the next day. Attach to Allah and you'll find your life complete. Maybe that's the whole point. The point of never having a boyfriend. So we don't lean on them and find out one day that they just poof away, leaving us stumble down with a pain in the ass. 

I don't intend in getting a boyfriend (or having a crush on anyone for that matter). I come here for the experience and knowledge. But those two fears up there will continue to linger in my head until I find a community that I truly trust here. In the meantime, I shall continue to adapt and InsyaAllah, with the help from Allah, I will survive.

That is all for now.

Cheers

Story of A Girl In PERMATApintar

Telan air liur

Takut

Kenapa?

Tak tahu apa nak tulis untuk entry kali ini. 

Dah banyak draf yang dibiarkan tidak di-publish. 

Rasa macam tidak sesuai untuk tontonan umum. 

Bosan dan membosankan.

Tahan kuap

Maaf. Si penulis telah melalui terlalu banyak dalam tempoh masa yang terlalu singkat. Buntu. Mungkin si penulis masih mencari-cari ilham atau inspirasi untuk menulis. Buku To Kill A Mockingbird pun penulis belum sempat khatamkan. Tapi pada fikiran penulis, dia harus menghidangkan sebuah kisah bagi para pembaca sebelum dia.... Sebelum dia berangkat meninggalkan bumi Malaysia tercinta.

*****

So this is a story. A story of an average girl who was offered a place in Program Pendidikan PERMATApintar Negara. She pondered and thought until she decided to accept the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that was staring down at her eagerly waiting to be grabbed. That's when her journey began. A journey into the unknown because if she were honest with herself, she would have said that she has absolutely no clue as to what was going to happen to her next.

In this world of unknown, she met weird people whom she would stick around for the rest of her 2-year life there. They consisted of 15 queer, uncanny human beings. She felt awkward to be in the same room with such people, but she tried her best to be a good member of the group anyway. 

Back in the dorms she met her roommate. Her roommate was really nice to her, and thanks to her experience living in a hostel, she has helped her a lot in settling down in the new environment. Oh my, if it weren't for her roommate, she wouldn't even know how to put on her clothes properly! So she was greatly thankful about that.

After a few days, she discovered that there were more students who were of the same age as her. "Spirit batch", they chanted; a word very unfamiliar to her ears (again thanks to her roommate who explained the term to her in detail). So she found out she had batchmates: those who were apparently enduring the same journey as hers.

She thought that the number of people stopped there, but she was wrong. It turns out there are those older than her and her batchmates. They are called the seniors. They are one step ahead as they have survived one year of the journey in PERMATApintar.

Just when she thought that things are starting to make sense, she was greeted one day with news that she was offered the Fast Track program. She was shocked. Bewildered by such a mind-blowing fact.

"This is just an offer. You can always deny that offer," they used to say to her. But what was she to do? At the point of her life when everything was just a mess and the only thing that she's good at in decision-making is being indecisive? Finally she decided that she should "just go along with this program" and "see what happens".

Days turn into weeks which turn into months which turn into a year. She became closer to her classmates, and them to her. She knows their favourite food, their childhood fear (sorta), their last night's meal, some of their secrets and even the clothes that they wear. There are events where the whole class had a misunderstanding, but there was nothing too big for them to forgive and forget. She did lots of wacky things with them. She stayed up all night with them just to finish off a model of a stadium. She ventured the whole school compound in search of a good shooting spot. She even sacrificed her weekends to make sure that every group-work was done. And they all did the same. Before long, their bonds became stronger and their relationship became truer.

Apart from classmates and classes, she enjoyed her life in school as well. She was elected as a Multimedia Exco of MPP by the way. That was when she learnt about leadership and sacrifice. About responsibility and trust. She finally realised that though she was elected, she still had a lot to learn from her fellow colleagues. About values that one should own in order to be a good leader. She never knew (or thought) about it herself until she herself was involved in such a committee. 

Other than that, she also joined the softball team (by chance in the first place). After she thought about it, she came to a conclusion that it was destined for her to be in such an elite sports team. She was never good in sports. Never was involved in any, so she has zero experience in the field. But she tried her best anyway. She still was not able to become the best of players, but she knew that she has gained something that is way more valuable than the skills themselves. It is to be confident and to do the best no matter how bad we are at something.

There were also Hari Sukan, gotong-royong, explorace, sambutan perayaan and other events that she took part in. Those were what made her life more colourful and meaningful.

But then there is the fact that life is not a bed of roses. She still has the Fast Track to think about. What with the taking 3 exams in one go apart from other responsibilities, she sometimes wished she had more hours per day. But she knew that that was nowhere near possible.

And then there's the interview. Dang it, she says. She knew that speaking has always been her weakest point. She was unable to find out why words and sentences seem all jumbled-up in her brain. Sometimes it sounded right the first time she thought about it, but as soon as she spits them out, they sound unorganized and crappy. If only there were a means of communication through telepathy, the interview would have been less painful. But there isn't, so she has to accept her weakness and find a way to overcome it. She thought about taking speaking classes in the future for her own benefit.

Thankfully she was offered a scholarship after all. She prepared for her university admission, got her documents ready and was ready to set sail (not really on a ship but set sail sounds so cool). Only one thing left for her to bear: separation. Her batchmates made so many attempts in capturing the last piece of memories with those who were about to leave. Yet, due to her ever-so-busy self, she was unable to attend any of the planned mass gatherings. She was not around when the girls decided to wear the same colours. Twice! She was nowhere to be seen at the batch dinner. She was also absent on the last day before the holidays, when everyone was in the mood for taking pictures and bidding farewells. But then again she hates taking pictures, so she didn't mind any of those.

The night before the holidays began (she would not be around anymore after that), her class had a gathering. They ate pizzas, watched videos, talked about old times, laughed at inside jokes, wrote letters to each other, and tried their best to keep the mood joyous instead of gloomy. It was surely a moment that she will miss once she's out there all by herself. Who knew that some complete strangers would light up her world and become part of her family. No matter how confident they all are at keeping the ties tied, she knew that it would not be the same when distance becomes the barrier. She can only talk about things that has already happened while the others can continue discussing about things that are currently happening. Experience itself can never be converted into words. She appreciates the time spent with all 14 of them and is determined to seek them in the future when all of them have jobs and soul mates. She can't wait for that day to come.

PERMATApintar might not be a good place for someone to get a free ticket to success - such as getting good grades and university offers etc - but it certainly is the best place for someone who is planning to learn to be independent and take a trip into self-discovery. After that, success comes along. There might be certain opportunities that she has missed out on, but she never regretted having accepted the offer in the first place. She is confident that what matters most is how well she puts her chances to her advantage.

She wished that she could have more time to spend in PERMATApintar. Alas, it's just a few days before she would be transported to her next destination. She always thought that hey, just think of this as her being relocated to another school in a different state instead of a different country.

There are lots more things that she would want to chatter about, but it seems that this short story is already long enough.

Everyone has their own story and this... This is the story of a girl in PERMATApintar.

She's not in this picture

Or this

Or this

Some infinities are bigger than other infinities

― John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

“Mockingbirds don’t do one thing but make music for us to enjoy. They don’t eat up people’s gardens, don’t nest in corncribs, they don’t do one thing but sing their hearts out for us. That’s why it’s a sin to kill a mockingbird.” 

― Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird

I Hate

This short and exaggerated-to-some-point story is the result of something that has happened some few hours ago and of me reading this book called "The Time of My Life".

"I hate soy milk," I sighed, pouring some of the disgusting liquid into a glass and sipping it.

"But you're drinking it," Z said matter-of-factly.

"I still don't like it," I exclaimed, draining more of the liquid down my throat.

"But you're drinking it," Y pointed out as if it was not obvious enough.

I shrugged.

The whole dinner had been fabulous, and now we're filling up some empty spots in our stomach so we could go back feeling bloated as ever. We discussed about the past and the present and the future, joking about what has happened and what was happening and what we thought would happen someday. I didn't want the night to end.

"Hey, you can't have the chips all by yourself," W blurted, clearly devastated by the sight of the depleting Lays. "Pass it over here will you?"

F handed it over to Z who passed it to Y who gave it to K before the chips got into my hands.

"You know what, you guys can finish these off," I said over a mouthful of chips. "I don't eat these kind of junk."

"But you're eating it," Z and Y announced, already annoyed by me.

I don't get it. I don't eat junk food. I really don't. What's their problem? So I took a handful of the fat-saturated chips before handing the almost-empty packet to W. 

"There. See? She says she hates soy milk yet she chugs it down like it's her favourite drink," Z started on a rant. "And now she claims that she doesn't like junk food but she eats it right in front of our eyes. What is it with you?"

"Stop overreacting will ya?" I decided to remain calm about it.

"I hate soy milk," Y imitated me.

"I don't eat junk food," suddenly it was a let's-imitate-N Day. And nobody even told me about it.

"I don't like P"

There. As simple as that. No explanations needed. It was all implied. Only those who have been with me all these years would be able to read between the lines. That W was suggesting that when I say that I don't like P, what I really meant was that I liked P. W was using the deduction and induction method, generalising statements and generating new statements based on the general formula obtained by induction. Based on W's theory, the I-hate-soy-milk and I-dont-eat-junk-food were opposites of what really is, so the I-dont-like-P is also the opposite of what really is.

Only W's theory has flaws everywhere. I really do hate soy milk and I really don't eat junk food. Period.

But I was too late to justify my stance because by then everyone at the table had agreed upon the theory and laughed at it. It seemed only too true and applicable in their eyes and ears. To not make things worse, I decided to let it pass (because bringing it back up would mean that I care about the theory and being silent would imply that I don't give a damn).

The night still went on well. More shared laughter and shared stories. The only thing that we lacked was tears. Well, tonight was not the right time. But that time will come. Eventually. Soon. Or later.

I went back to my room feeling very well pleased by the time well spent. My roommate has yet to arrive, so I had the room all to myself. I brushed my teeth, prepared for bed, turned off the lights, slammed on the bed and initiated my train of thoughts.

I don't like him but I place a mental note each time he is present or is not present or is sick or is unavailable for the day.

I don't like him but I have to fight the urge to call him or text him or look at him or think about him or talk about him.

I don't like him but I know that he wears blue on a Monday, yellow on a Tuesday, green on a Wednesday, Purple on a Thursday, Beige on a Friday, Magenta on a Saturday, and Orange on a Sunday.

I don't like him but I have to find evidences to win the debate against the other side of me saying that I do like him

I don't like him but I spend some of my time before bed just to remind myself of the things that should be known to me about him.

Okay I do like him. I like him with all my heart and there's nothing anyone can say or do that can make me like him less. I like the way he smiles and the way he laughs and the way he speaks and the way he jokes and the way he talks and the way he can make me feel better after having a bad day. I just like every part of him and now I miss him because he's no longer here. He has moved to another school. He has another life. He has other friends, other people to joke around with and other people to talk to. But even after months of his departure I still can't get rid of the thought of him because he once told me that he liked me too.

Okay I lied. And I'm not good at lying so you might have known that I lied from the very beginning. I do despise him and there is absolutely no way that it shall be otherwise. End of discussion.

And now for the beauty sleep that I so well deserve.

Good night

“You don’t believe things because they make your life better, 

you believe them because they’re true.” 

-Veronica Roth, Allegiant

Tangis

Mungkin sebab terasa, aku mudah menangis
Mungkin sebab kecewa aku mudah menangis
Mungkin sebab tekanan aku mudah menangis
Mugnkin sebab sesalan aku mudah menangis
Mungkin sebab harapan aku mudah menangis
Mungkin sebab amarah aku mudah menangis
Mungkin sebab lemah aku mudah menangis
Mungkin sebab insaf aku mudah menangis
Mungkin sebab kalah dengan emosi aku mudah menangis
Mungkin sebab aku seorang wanita aku mudah menangis
Mungkin sebab hakikatnya aku seorang manusia,
Aku mudah menangis

Awkward Hugs and Fake Smiles

"Hey, I'm T. What's your name?" she said, her eyes glittering with the excitement of meeting someone she has never met before in her life.

"Oh um, Nuraini,"

"Hi nice to meet you. Where are you from?"

"I'm from PERMATApintar"

"Oh," she paused for a fraction of a second, wondering whether to continue asking what the heck this PERMATApintar is or to just let the question linger in her brain until she finds the right time to ask again.

"How old are you," she chose the latter.

"Seventeen,"

"Wow!" she exclaims in utter disbelief.

"And you?" I ask just to make the conversation look more of a conversation and less of an interview.

"I'm 20 - man I feel old," the look of astonishment is still present on her face. "So that means you're not taking SPM?"

"No. Well, yeah actually I did last year. Only that I took two subjects,"

From the gap in her mouth I can tell that she has a problem taking 'em all in. "So the two subjects are?"

"BM and Sejarah," I say. "Because those two subjects are 'wajib lulus SPM' subjects," I continue, knowing that the word "why" would be dancing in her mind.

"So is everyone not taking SPM?"

"Oh no, no. The group who are going to fly this year (insyaAllah) are called the fast-track group. The others in our batch take SPM"

"So now you guys can go prepare for Iftar and we shall proceed with solat Maghrib, Isyak and Tarawih," announces the Amira of the program.

"It was nice talking to ya. See ya later," she walks away and joins her peers.

And I'm left alone.

Not that I mind being alone - I'm quite used to it already. I'm attending this 3-day program all on my own by the way, unlike the others who has company.

I remember a few years back I used to try my best to make friends every time I go to programs like these: camps, workshops or anything similar. I tried so hard that I knew I was trying to be someone else - someone who does not suck at making friends - so I won't end up a loner.

But throughout these past year or past few months of self-discovery, I finally realised that it's just not how I roll. I'm not the friendly type, mind you; I'm the quiet and shy type. The type of people who would rather just stay silent if he/she has nothing better to say, because the fact is, they don't even know what to say! I'm not verbose; I don't easily produce words from my mouth.

And now I was finally able to accept that part of me. To not be embarrassed if I was unable to find a companion because to me, I don't need to actually find one; friendships should be built naturally. Let Friendship blossom with time.

Don't get me wrong though. I may not talk as frequent as the next girl does, but I still allow room for them to get to talk to me, like sitting together with them during meals even though I hardly ever talk to them unless they start talking to me. I speak when I'm spoken to.

I can't make friends easily, unlike some people who do it with the grace of a mamak flipping roti canai. No. That's just not me. But I do like having friends; it's just that I don't like making them or finding them. As I said earlier, let Friendship blossom with time.

I'm not saying it's wrong to actually go out there and find new acquaintances. It's good to increase your number of contacts. I'm simply sharing with you the fact that I find it really tough to make friends on a first meeting and would rather go with the flow (if that's the right term).

*****

"We have come to the end of the program. Thank you all for such a wonderful experience. Now let's get into a circle and we'll start the goodbye salam (salam perpisahan? :P),"

So there I am, standing beside some people I by then have their face and characteristics memorised, putting so much effort in creating a smile that'll convince them that yes, I did have a good time here, because as a matter of fact, I did have fun.

Hugs

Smiles

Goodbyes

Good luck wishes

Take care wishes

Hopes that we'll meet again one day

I don't like lying, so I either nod and smile or simply respond with a "yeah, you too" to their wishes.

Phew! That's finally over.

Now don't blame me. 

It's just how I roll.

Anger Management

Someone I know once said to me:

I used to have anger management issues. Even the smallest spark of anger can make me burst like hell. Sometimes I believed that my body was manufacturing explosives that just can wait to get detonated. I mean seriously, who the hell gets angry over an out-of-reach remote control? Okay, so maybe a majority of couch potatoes do, but how many actually spank the remote control for being such a "naughty little thing"?

Fun-ny. Makes me laugh every time I think of it. And my anger gets worse by day and by weeks and by months and by years until I actually experienced heartache. I took no initiative to control myself. But somehow, by the light that God sent to me, I realised that anger only makes me feel worse, and it's me that should face the consequences, not the person/appliance that I'm mad at. To cut things short, I started to remind myself whenever I get angry. To not make a fool out of myself. To not be such a bratty, insolent child. To try to stay calm whenever possible.

And (surprise, surprise) it worked! It feels good to not have this blaze in your heart and in your mind and in everywhere around your body. Sure, you get pissed off once in a while, but that's still not a reason to go haywire. You can either continue getting yourself pissed off, or you can choose to skip all the nasty words and foolish actions and go straight to smiling and forgiving.

Trust me, you'll be amazed by how wonderful this world is if you can control your anger.

Not her exact words, but it carries the same message. Her advice has also helped me a lot in dealing with situations that do nothing but get on my nerves.

Innocence

Even if friends leave us
Even if foes criticise us
Even if acquaintances despise us
Even if strangers condemn us
Even if our parents gave up on us
Even if society hates us
Even if the world shuts us out
Even if it means skipping classes
Even if it means driving the teachers up the walls
Even if it means sacrificing our lifelong dreams
Even if it means losing our jobs
Even if it means letting go of an opportunity of a lifetime
Even if it means starving to the point where our stomachs are on the verge of disappearing altogether
Even if it means fabricating the truth
Even if it means bending the rules
Even if it means going against the human nature
Even if it means neglecting those who used to be so dear to us
As long as you've got me
and I you
As long as you promise to be there with me
As long as I get to see you every stinking moment of my life
As long as I get to feel the heat that your presence brings
As long as your voice reaches my ears whenever I long for it
As long as your eyes meet mine before I even miss them
As long as I think of you as much as you think of me
As long as you and I believe in eternal love
Nothing else matters
Come hell or high water
This world would be a world worth living in
With you by my side
I could not wish for anything more

Love,
Well, you know who I am

Innocence: A Child's First Love

-Anon

When I Read Too Much Romance

Sigh. There's a reason I avoid romance novels, and it has nothing to do with the uncensored details on kissing (and the like) whatsoever. I avoid romance novels because they make me feel like puking out rainbows - in a bad way. But somehow, by some mere coincidence that might have something to do with fate, just recently, two romance novels made it to my reading list (and I did puke out rainbows. good thing they're invisible). So, when I read too much romance, this is what happens:

"If a single person can evoke emotions in you with an intensity that you have never experienced before - be it sadness, happiness, guilt, etc. -, then that person must somehow mean a great deal to you"

"It's amazing how the person who upsets me so easily is also the person who cheers me up just as easy"

"When reading something someone wrote about their crush, how long would it take for you to realise that they are actually talking about you?"

"If you like a person and you use a metaphor of the human vision to describe how he/she sees you, you might fall into one of three groups. The first is right at his/her focal point. The second is somewhere at the retina and the third is directly in the blind spot. There's a high chance that you might fall into the latter"

That last part sounds like crappy shit. Okay, they all sound like shit, but the last is definitely the shittiest (I used the word shit three times in a single paragraph. Wait, make that four).

I can be highly influenced by what I read. In terms of language, that is. Like the time when I did a Harry Potter book marathon that lasted for weeks, I actually thought that I might sound like some witch from Hogwarts. Blimey, this was all Voldermort's idea! Oh no, I said his name out loud! Bloody hell now he's gonna chase me and kill me with one of his Avada Kedavra magic and I'm doomed oh please help me Harry for you have the ability to repel against his dark magic thank you so much oh Ron is so cute when he was little.

Now that's lame. I am officially a disgrace to all Harry Potter fans. Boo me. Frowney face :(

This blog post seems to be getting nowhere. Anywho, the main point is that reading influences my language a lot. I mean, a LOT. I kinda like it cause I'm naturally not that good with words especially when speaking. Just for your information, The Fault In Our Stars features the most sweetest romance I have ever seen in my entire life. Maybe it's the fact that both of them share the same job: Having Cancer, or is it something else? It's the first time I read something so romantic without having the urge to facepalm and say "eww" and puke. I think I'm gonna cry now.

In other news, school have just started and the exam results are out. No further discussions are deemed necessary.

The Setia

credit

"Kahwin. Kau takut tak?"

"Hah? Apa kau panggil aku tadi? "Kahwin"? Mentang-mentang kita dah lama tak jumpa, kau boleh pulak panggil nama aku salah."

"Haish budak nie boleh main-main pulak. Aku tengah serious nie," berkerut dahinya mendengar jawapanku yang berbau loyar buruk itu. Nyata aura seriusnya itu terpancar di mukanya bagai nur di pagi hari. 

Aku sengih kerang busuk. Saja ja nak mengelak daripada menjawab soalannya tadi. Milo panas yang sudah lama menjadi milo suam itu terus dikacau lalu diteguk. Aku cukup alergik dengan 6-letter word itu. Cukup menghantui meskipun usiaku masih belum mencecah usia mengundi pun. Tetapi ramai yang seusia denganku sudah mula berfikir-fikir tentang jodoh, dan tidak kurang juga yang telah menjumpai "si dia" yang dikatakan Mr/Mrs Right.

Pfft!

Kawanku yang sedang minum bersamaku di gerai tepi jalan ini, Shakira namanya. Panggil Kira. Nama macam penyanyi lagu waka waka eh eh masa zaman FIFA 2010 tu, tapi gaya memang macam anak kampung sejati. Lama aku tak bersua muka dengannya - hampir dua tahun - dan dalam tempoh itu terlalu banyak yang berubah.

Dulu...

"Weyh kau nie lembik sangat lah. Cuba kau keras sikit, jual mahal sikit," aku cuba memberi nasihat kepada Kira yang bercerita tentangku akan lelaki yang diminatinya itu. Lelaki itu seorang senior. Hensem? Ada rupa. Ada gaya. Bolehlah. Sudah beberapa bulan mereka boleh dikatakan "bersama" tetapi tak pernah "declare" couple secara official. 

"Aku tak bolehlah weyh. Aku cepat rasa bersalah. Macam mana kau boleh jadi kuat ah?" Kira mengadu lagi. Biasalah, kalau dah ada that special relationship, walaupun tak official, pasti ada saja pergolakan yang berlaku. Oh ya, lupa nak mention. That guy I'm talking about is a player. Playboy. Sebelum nie tukar-tukar girlfriend tak heran la. Macam mana dia boleh terjebak dengan si Kira nie pun, aku tak tau.

"Kau diam ja. Biar ja dia. Jangan buat move apa-apa. Nanti dia baru dia dapat rasa sikit apa yang kau rasa," aku tidak berputus asa. Geram rasanya bila ada lelaki yang buat kawan baikku sampai macam tu sekali. Tak berhati perut punya orang! Kalau aku jadi kau lah Kira, dah lama dah aku tinggalkan lelaki macam dia tu.

Aku geleng kepala. Dulu betapa aku anti dengan cintan cintun tak tentu pasal sampai tunggang terbalik kapal karam nie. Tapi sekarang, lepas aku bermastautin di kawasan lain, jauh dari Kira, berjumpa dengan orang pelbagai ragam, baru aku nampak apa sebenarnya yang dilalui oleh Kira. 

Kira terlalu setia. Dia bukan seorang yang sanggup menyakitkan hati orang lain meskipun hatinya sendiri telah parah. Teringat pula panggilan telefon antara aku dan Kira. "Aku dah cuba suka orang lain, tapi tak dapat," dia berkata kepadaku. Selepas aku berpindah, lelaki itu telah menamatkan pengajiannya, tetapi daripada apa yang diceritakan oleh Kira melalui telefon dan media sosial, perasaannya terhadap lelaki itu tidak pernah pudar (walaupun lelaki itu sudah mempunyai girlfriend baru!).

Pada ketika itu aku memilih untuk tidak menjadi rakan yang asyik membebel menyuruhnya toughen up and forget about him. Aku memilih untuk mendengar dan memahami. Kira terlalu setia. Sekali dah suka pada seseorang, dia akan suka sepenuh hati sehingga tiada ruang lagi untuk lelaki lain. Baru aku tahu bahawa kesetiaan itulah menunjukkan betapa kuatnya Kira berbanding aku. Kerana aku, jika diberi situasi yang serupa, mungkin akan gagal pada percubaan pertama.

"Hopeless jugak la kau nie," aku membisik pada diri sendiri. Hopeless dalam percintaan. At this rate you'll never find the right guy any time soon! Bukan tak pernah orang menyebut perkataan "suka" itu kepada aku, tetapi,

1. Ayat-ayat jiwang makes me puke

2. Aku buat dono ja, as if nothing happened

Yup. Entah apa yang aku alergik sangat dengan benda-benda macam nie. Mungkin sebab... Aku tak percaya? Tak percaya akan cinta. Tak percaya akan kesetiaan. Tak percaya akan kasih sayang. Semuanya aku buat tak caya ja. Sebab apa? Sebab aku takut. Takut sekiranya aku akan berasa sakit hati di kemudian hari. Sakit hati sebab cinta, setia, kasih dan sayang itu cuma ungkapan kosong yang lahir dari mulut seorang insan yang tengah angau; dan nanti bila you are snapped back to reality, semuanya babai saja la. Ibarat menanam tebu di bibir (mohon maaf kepada pihak DBP atas penggunaan peribahasa yang tidak menentu).

Mungkin aku tak pernah alaminya lagi, sebab itulah sesedap hati ja aku rasa anti. Tabik spring aku pada insan setabah Kira. Bagi aku, bodoh (sekali lagi mohon maaf atas penggunaan kata yang mungkin agak kasar. hehe) lah lelaki itu untuk tidak nampak ketulusan hati seorang Shakira. Bukan mudah untuk mencari seorang wanita yang tidak membina dinding keegoan semata-mata untuk menghalang cinta yang dikatakan akan membuat kita lemah dan tidak tentu arah daripada hadir dalam hati.

"Woi! Termenung dari tadi. Dari aku pergi tandas sampai aku balik sini kau masih merenung entah ke mana," Shakira bersuara memecah lamunanku. "Ke kau tengah usha abang roti canai tu?" Kira mengangkat kening ke arahku.

Ketawa pecah.

"So... cakap pasal kahwin," alamak, aku ingatkan dia dah lupa pasal tu!

"You know what, let's drop the subject," Kira menggeleng, tetapi dia akur. Faham akan karenah dan penyakit alergi aku yang dibuat-buat itu.

"Sampai bila kau nak mengelak nie?"

"Sampai aku sedia."

"Bila?"

"Bila tiba masanya," aku sengih, sebab aku sendiri sedang tanya soalan yang sama kepada diri sendiri.

"Well, jangan lama-lama. Tak nak best pren aku jadi andartu pulak!"

Haha. Lawak lah kau nie Kira.

"Nanti kita tengok siapa yang kahwin dulu."

"On!"

Dan aku terus menghirup milo suhu bilik itu sampai habis.

--------------------------

Halfway Through the Hols

Back when I was so overwhelmed by endless school work that I had so little time to even stop and think, I anticipated the holidays because I thought it would be a great getaway for me. I would finally have more time for updating this blog and do what I've always been doing back when I was in daily school, or so I thought. After less than a week left of the hols, I finally figured that for one thing, the happenings in school were what inspired me to write, and without that motivation, even with plenty of time in my hands, I still won't be able to update my blog. Well, this entry today is just for the sake of updating. Nothing interesting to share, but since it's still holidays, let me tell you how I spent it with. (boo! that's lame! *throws tomatoes*)

In the very beginning of the holidays, the research report submission deadline haunted me for several nights. No, they did not appear in the form of ghosts. Rather, it's the fact that I have to read on p values (what the heck is that thing) and learn how to use the SPSS system (aku menyesal tak ikut bengkel SPSS T_T) all on my own. Horrifying. It was the sole cause of my headache which lasted for until (now don't be a grammar nazi) I submitted the final report. Phew. I read and reread and rereread the whole report until I was ultimately satisfied with it. And along the way, I found out the benefits of doing research (kenapa kau macam nerd sangat nie hah?). Let me list that down for ya (ok, memang sah kau dah jadi nerd weh)

• Experience (bukan semua orang dapat peluang baca record pesakit weh!)
• Knowledge (sebelum nie perkataan intracerebral haemorrhage tu aku tak pernah dengar pun. masa mentor aku explain, aku main angguk-angguk tak geleng-geleng aja. sekarang nie, perghhh.. dan boleh buat karangan pasal benda tuh. hebat tak aku?)
• Practice (nanti tak lah aku terkial-kial buat tesis tebal nak mampus kat univesiti)

I could spend more time listing them all down, but that sounds a bit too boring ey? So let's move on.

That one night, I received a text message saying "Nuraini O:-)" from an unknown number (technically hampir semua number kat fon aku tu unknown, because I don't save people's phone numbers! but this particular one I've never seen :P). "kau rasa siapa nie?" the anon asked further. My instincts deep down in my gut says that it's Aida, my best friend from SMKTTF. Turns out I was right! Man, I never knew I had such powerful gut instincts. I should listen to it more often. Lol. Oh, and I knew it was a friend back is Sabah because almost all of them refer to me as "Nuraini".

A few days later I received another anon text message, this time from Nazareen, also a friend from SMKTTF (which of course was foreseen and foretold by my gut instincts). She called me and we talked for like 20 minutes. I know I haven't been speaking Sabahan for a very long time, so long that I don't sound like the old me anymore. Sobs. A few minutes later, Aida called. We caught up on old times.

"Si anu couple sudah sama si anu"

"Dia suka sama si anu bha"

"Diorang dua rapat nie..."

 It's quite a surprise how much things have shifted since I left that place not too long ago. Well, I guess time is just doing its job, separating the past from the present, the present from the future, and me from the life I used to live back then. And dude, my Sabahan sounds so rusty that I am totally embarrassed by it! I mean, who says "weyh" in Sabah? Lol. Facepalm.

Ever since the holidays, I have lost my immunity/kekebalan towards alarms. Yup. It was so difficult for anything to wake me up back in QuadP that I could easily sleep through 3 alarms. I'm halfway through finishing Allegiant, the third and final book of the Divergent trilogy. I have actually just started on the Kerja Kursus Add Math. Opened up the laptop to google for answers (don't get me wrong. I'm not cheating. I'm just checking to see whether my answers are correct, that's all). And then I decided to see how my blog is going and...... Ohhhh.. So that's how I got here... *memandang sekeliling meja* *kertas add math masih berterabur*

You know what, I should get going. Just hoping that my minor symptoms of ADHD won't get in the way of me finishing the kerja kursus. Again.

Kenapa Susah Sangat Nak Bangun Sepertiga Malam?

I do not own this pic [credits]

Pernahkan kalian sebelum tidur memasang niat untuk tahajjud, tapi end up bangun melihat jam sudah pukul 6? Atau pernahkan kalian terbangun sebelum masuk waktu subuh lalu terus memejamkan mata untuk kembali ke dreamland?

Perkara biasa. Even yours truly pun selalu alaminya. Tapi si yours truly nie mengalami sesuatu yang amat memelikkan dan menghairankan. Seingat yours truly  (why am I referring to myself as yours truly?), haritu masa kena bertolak awal untuk ke airport, tak da masalah pulak untuk bangun pukul 3.30a.m. Bingkas bangun aja tatkala bunyi alarm kat fon mengganggu tidur. Masa pergi volunteer kat UCSI pon tak menjadi masalah untuk yours truly bangun sebelum tiba waktu subuh.

Lalu si yours truly terfikir, apakah reasons seperti pergi airport dan pergi volunteer menjadi pendorong yang lebih hebat untuk bangun awal berbanding dengan ibadah? Apakah reason untuk beribadah itu tidak cukup kukuh untuk yours truly mengetepikan perasaan mengantuk dan memisahkan diri dari katil? Masih tidak dapat mencari jawapan kepada persoalan-persoalan itu.

Beberapa hari yang lepas, bagaikan datang Mak Cik Hidayah (pinjam karakter nie ya Inche Gabanna@angelwearsgucci) menampar lembut pipi yours truly, rancangan Assalamualaikum @ tvalhijrah ada membincangkan cara tidur Rasulullah S.A.W. Lepas mendapat bantuan daripada Inche Google, kutemui jua riwayat/alkisah yang related to the discussion.

Nah, sila baca dengan penuh penghayatan:

Dari Ummul mukminin hafshah binti Umar bin Khathab RA, beliau di tanya tentang bagaimana tempat tidur Rasulallah shallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam di rumah beliau hafshoh. Maka beliau menjawab bahwa tempat tidur Rasulullah shallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam adalah sebuah kain yang dilipat menjadi dua. Kemudian pada suatu malam, ummul mukminin hafshah berkata dalam hati, “andai kain ini aku lipat menjadi 4 lipatan tentu lebih nyaman untuk Rasulullah shallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam”. Maka dilipatlah kain itu menajdi 4 lipatan, maka Rasulullah shallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam tidur diatas kain tersebut. Keesokan harinya Rasulullahshallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam bertanya, “wahai hafshah, dimanakah aku engkau tidurkan malam ini?”, hafshah menjawab,” itu adalah alas tidurmu, namun aku lipat menjadi 4 lipatan dengan maksud engkau lebih nyaman tidur diatasnya”. Maka Rasulullah shallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam berkata, “kembalikan seperti sedia kala, sesungguhnya, empuknya tempat tidurku, membuatku terhalang untuk sholat malam”.

Sedangkan Rasulullah sudah berasa sukar untuk solat malam dek kerana kainnya yang selama ini dilipat dua, sudah dilipat empat, apatah lagi kita yang tidur di atas katil nan empuk! Beserta aircon nan menyelesakan (jika ada), selimut nan cozy, bantal nan fluffy dan teddy bear nan cuddly!

MasyaAllah.

Mana mungkin kita mampu berpisah dari keselesaan yang amat itu. Tambah-tambah lagi kalau kepenatan dek menyiapkan assignment dan report yang tidak berkesudahan, alamatnya sampai ke siang masih tersangkut dalam alam mimpi. Nauzubillah~

Inilah sesuatu yang kita perlu atasi dan lawani. Sifat malas dan terlalu mengikut nafsu dan kehendak. Rajin-rajinkanlah diri untuk mempelajari serta mengaplikasi amalan-amalan harian Rasulillah a.k.a sunnah agar kita sama-sama beroleh manfaat. Kepada yang rajin dan gigih berqiamullail, syabas dan tahniah diucapkan. Kepada yang sedang dan ingin berusaha (seperti yours truly ini.. huhu), jangan putus asa. Ganbatte kudasai! (suka hati aku ja pakai bahasa orang) Semoga suatu hari nanti kita tergolong dalam golongan orang-orang yang tidak meninggalkan solat malam. Ameen

Dan lagi satu, seandainya kalian terbangun tengah-tengah malam for no reason, jangan sia-siakan peluang itu! Mungkin itulah panggilan Allah untuk kita beribadat pada waktu itu. Alangkah ruginya sekiranya kita tidak menyahut seruan Allah! Mungkin, pada tika dan masa itulah doa kita akan makbul, andai kita mampu menepis bisikan syaitan dan bersujud menghadap Ilahi. Ajaklah juga orang lain untuk bersama-sama qiamullail. Mungkin dengan ajakan dan dorongan itu akan secara tidak langsung menjadi pembakar semangat untuk diri kita sendiri.

Harap perkongsian yang tidak seberapa ini dapat membawa manfaat.

Sekian.

#002

He smiled. It might have been my mere imagination, or it might have not been, but what I did see that he wasn't frowning. Nor was his demeanour anywhere near expressionless. So was he smiling? It seemed so weird a gesture. A smile had never been so out of place except on his face. Jarang dia baik macam tu kat aku. Well, not saying he's mean. Just pointing out the fact that, well, it's the first time I ever saw him do that. Nampak ikhlas, tapi mungkin judgement aku salah. Biarlah.

****

Kenapa aku nie pemalu sangat weyh?

Kau pemalu ka? Setahu aku kau la orang yang paling tak tau malu.

Ah.. Kenapa mesti aku rasa malu. Malu sangat. Susah nak berkomunikasi dengan manusia. Sebab malu.

*****

Berhenti merungut. Terlalu banyak yang kau perlu syukuri untuk kau luahkan ketidakpuasan hati kau hanya disebabkan sesuatu yang sekecil biji sawi.

Diari #001 (it's about time I label posts like these as a diary so you guys won't be so stunned reading my inner thoughts)

Just finished my very first fixi novel - KELABU. Very interesting story, I must say. Cara si penulis mengembangkan watak Amir itu berjaya menahan aku daripada meletakkan buku itu selagi aku belum habis membacanya. I like books yang menyebabkan aku menepuk dahi secara spontan, ketawa sorang2 macam orang putus wayar, hentak dinding macam orang putus cinta, dan menangis macam orang tengah potong bawang. Yup. Books make me do all those ridiculous (and probably embarrassing) acts in public. Makes me wonder how a person could have such a good sense of sarcasm and humour.

*****

#Pergi

Tak kesah pun kalau takda gambar aku langsung. (Well, at least I see my face in the group photo). Seriously, I dislike taking pictures especially if it involves me being the only object on camera. But tipu la kalau aku cakap aku tak terasa walaupun sedikit. Felt a bit..how to put it...left out? Hakikatnya semua manusia itu ada perasaan, though some choose to ignore seeing or feeling the emotions in some people.

(Terlalu public kah tempat ini untuk aku coretkan isi hati? erk) (kata-kata ini bukan ditujukan kepada mana-mana pihak, so please jangan terasa. aku tau betapa rare dan limited editionnya gambar aku. biasalah, naluri artis dalam diri aku ini mengakibatkan aku secara reflex akan mengelak orang nak ambik gambar aku. eh, bukan naluri artis nie suka ambik gambar ka? apa2 ja la)

*****

Perpishan

My absence may or may not bring any significance, though I hope that either way it'll turn out to be something positive. Yang aku tengah fikir, aku di situ, dan orang tu di sana. Hmm.. orang mana yang aku maksudkan? Aku pun tak tau

*****

Sometimes I think I'm being too hard on myself. I should take it easy. Dump all your negative thoughts dude. You're not gonna be happy if you keep thinking that you're this useless girl nobody wants. (bunyi macam kasar ja. but this is a monologue, so tak kasar pun sebenarnya. heh)

*****

Semenjak dua tiga menjak nie too many thoughts come pouring out of my brain especially time tengah mandi (tapi aku tak bazir air okeh) Tapi aku rasa this is not the right time for me to disclose it somewhere so public. Biarlah terapung dalam lautan fikiran aku. Tapi kalau tunggu for the right moment, mesti dah basi dah by then. You know, good thoughts only come out once, and even if you try to construct the exact same words an hour later, it won't be as powerful as the first one. At least, that's how it works for me. 

I remember your smile

Was YouTube-walking the other day (before wifi went down) and stumbled upon this one nasheed that really touched my heart. Well, for starters, I don't like loud, booming music that just gives you earache (and me, headache). I prefer listening to something slow, sentimental and loaded with meanings (not that I am a person with those characteristics mentioned).

Sadly, not much music nowadays fit into that description, and that is why I feel the need (to help humankind) to share this heart-warming nasheed. If you think you might be allergic to this kind of music, well, tak kenal maka tak cinta. Hehe.

Your smile

And yet

So hard

Remember

Your eyes

Most of all

I remember

Your smile

Where there is right there is no wrong

I always thought we were so strong

but our time just flew by

There wasn´t a chance to say goodbye

I´m so confused

I feel all alone

Deep in my heart

I know Allah has called you home

But yet

Your smile

Still lingers in my mind

And yet

It´s so hard

I just break down and cry

I remember

Your eyes

Find away to melt my heart

Most of all

I remember

I remember your smile

Sometimes I lie awake at night

The pain in my heart I just can´t find

Why did you have to go away?

Yet I know none of us can stay

You will always be

so special to me

In this world 

you will always live as a memory

But yet

Your smile

Still lingers in my mind

And yet

It´s so hard

I just break down and cry

I remember

Your eyes

Find away to melt my heart

Most of all

I remember

I remember your smile

But yet

Your smile

Still lingers in my mind

And yet

It´s so hard

I just break down and cry

I remember

Your eyes

Find away to melt my heart

Most of all

I remember

I remember your smile

There you go ^_^
What do you think of this nasheed? Feel like crying now? Want a tissue? (please say yes please say yes please say yes) :P

Top Floor Rant

Pensel kaler dilarikan di atas kertas bersaiz A3. Peluh dikesat. Dingin bayu selepas hujan kencang mengasak pipi. Tangan meraba-raba tikar mencari kaler lain. Biru muda. Dicapai lalu diberikan tona pada baju si gadis yang dalam lukisan itu.

Weyh aku tak suka mewarna la

Gaun biru muda beserta lace ungu. Hmm. Dagu diusap tanda memikirkan idea penambah baikan.

Aini, tolong lukiskan tangan. Aku tak reti laaa

Mata beralih kepada si budak yang sedari tadi mengeluh tentang ketidakretiannya dalam bidang seni lukis. Ditunjuknya drawing sepasang tangan yang dihulur ke hadapan. (Or at least I think it's a drawing. Kehkehkeh). 

Tanpa sengaja, pecah pula ketawa si Nuraini melihat drawing tersebut. Totally accidental. Bukan berniat untuk mematahkan semangat si pelukis. Si Alifah yang sejak tadi hanya berdiam diri turut tertawa saat melihat attempt drawing si Ain.

Ehhh.. Jahat...

Wah.. lawa gila Malin kaler

Biasalah, dua tahun belajar mewarna tuh

Tumpuan beralih pula pada Amalin yang sedang mengenakan tona warna gelap pada lukisan tangan yang membentuk love. Memang cantik. Penuh seni.

Semua kembali pada hal masing-masing. Dicapai lukisan Ain lalu dicuba untuk membetulkan lukisan tangan tersebut. Setelah beberapa sketch hasil peniruan dari internet, nampaklah sedikit rupa tangan itu walaupun tidak sempurna. Baiklah.

Tak kanku biarkan walau ribut menyentakmu yang tidur

datang petir menyambar
jengking dan ular–
bonda takkan berundur

Lagu Arjuna Beta dimainkan di telefon bimbit Alifah

Weyh, tak suka la lagu nie. Creepy

Apa yang creepy nya?

Ha'ah, scary arh..

Macam orang psiko nyanyi

kan ada satu ketika kau tak tahu mana nak pergi
jalan betul, anakanda,
tak jelas mata
ambil yang sarat duri

Lalu si Ain pun membuat muka seakan-akan psiko. Lunatic mode. Eh.

Kerja diteruskan. Kini beralih pula pada background. Guna oil pastel milik Alifah. Orange yang gradually change to yellow. Bottom to top. Giliran Ain pula memasang lagu. Ain.fm.

Tangan berasa lenguh memegang batang krayon yang beraneka warna itu. Sesekali kaler keluar garisan jugak. Haish, tak suka buat tedious jobs.

When the days are cold

And the cards all fold

Tukar kepada kaler oren-kekuningan. Tona warna nie perlu ada skill. Skill yang seorang Nur Amalin miliki setelah mengikuti kelas mewarna semasa di alam persekolahan dahulu. Skill yang aku belajar secara tidak formal dengan memerhatikan rakanku yang terer melukis dan mewarna. In-born talent. Hmph. Aku? Hampeh ja..

When you feel my heat

Look into my eyes

It’s where my demons hide

It’s where my demons hide

Di hujung atas dilayerkan terlebih dahulu dengan kaler putih. Entah wujud ka tidak skill yang digunakan itu. Tak kesah la. Kaler kuning pucat pula ditambah bagi menghubungkan kaler putih tadi dengan kaler oren kekuning-kuningan. Tona simple ja. 

Kajian mengatakan lelaki berkulit gelap lebih seksi

Hah?

Kat paper ada tulis

Oh.. Ya ka? 

Hmm.. Kalau aku pun aku suka lelaki yang kulit tak putih sangat.

Macam sapa? Si .........

Setelah beberapa nama disebut kemudian, masing-masing kembali menghadap kertas masing-masing.

Weyh, kaler apa sesuai untuk baju lelaki ni?

Hitam la. Kontra dengan kaler merah

Ala, tak nak hitam

Biru tua

At night when the stars light up my room

Biru tua dicapai

I sit by myself 

Lukisan si Wani ni hanya menampakkan sebahagian lengan lelaki dan sebahagian lengan perempuan. Hand-in-hand. Beserta sebuah love gergasi di belakang genggaman tangan kedua-duanya. Lalu lengan baju lelaki itu mula diwarnakan.

Talking to the moooooooooon

Seluar si lelaki pula diwarnakan dengan warna hitam. Hmm.. Biasalah. Warna apa lagi kalau bukan hitam? 

Love itu pula warna merah hati. Striking. Tertulis "Only You Can Make This World Seem Right" pada bahagian atas kertas bersaiz A3 itu.

Sebentar kemudian, tiba si pelukis, Nurul Shyazwani, di top floor blok A. Tidak melepaskan peluang untuk turut serta dalam pertemuan budak-budak K1 bagi menyiapkan assignment English.

Aku dengar tadi weyh korang sembang pasal lelaki kulit gelap

Aik. Kuat sangatkah suara kami sehingga sampai ke telinga orang yang berada di tingkat satu itu? Ish ish ish...

Dah siap! Lukisan tersebut telah siap diwarnakan. Alhamdulillah. Dah masuk Asar dah pun. Pensel kaler yang berterabur di atas tikar itu dikutip semula. Diri bersiap-siap untuk kembali ke bilik.

Maka berakhirlah rant pada hari itu. Rant pasal banyak perkara. Rant yang sebenarnya terlalu rumit untuk diisikan di ruangan blog yang tidak seberapa ini. Rant yang pasti meninggalkan secebis kenangan walau sekecil biji sawi. Rant yang mungkin limited edition; tidak mungkin akan berlaku lagi apabila melihat pada apa yang bakal diri masing-masing hadapi tidak lama lagi. Rant tingkat empat, belum mencapai rooftop lagi. 

Ini top floor rant.