"Hey, I'm T. What's your name?" she said, her eyes glittering with the excitement of meeting someone she has never met before in her life.
"Oh um, Nuraini,"
"Hi nice to meet you. Where are you from?"
"I'm from PERMATApintar"
"Oh," she paused for a fraction of a second, wondering whether to continue asking what the heck this PERMATApintar is or to just let the question linger in her brain until she finds the right time to ask again.
"How old are you," she chose the latter.
"Seventeen,"
"Wow!" she exclaims in utter disbelief.
"And you?" I ask just to make the conversation look more of a conversation and less of an interview.
"I'm 20 - man I feel old," the look of astonishment is still present on her face. "So that means you're not taking SPM?"
"No. Well, yeah actually I did last year. Only that I took two subjects,"
From the gap in her mouth I can tell that she has a problem taking 'em all in. "So the two subjects are?"
"BM and Sejarah," I say. "Because those two subjects are 'wajib lulus SPM' subjects," I continue, knowing that the word "why" would be dancing in her mind.
"So is everyone not taking SPM?"
"Oh no, no. The group who are going to fly this year (insyaAllah) are called the fast-track group. The others in our batch take SPM"
"So now you guys can go prepare for Iftar and we shall proceed with solat Maghrib, Isyak and Tarawih," announces the Amira of the program.
"It was nice talking to ya. See ya later," she walks away and joins her peers.
And I'm left alone.
Not that I mind being alone - I'm quite used to it already. I'm attending this 3-day program all on my own by the way, unlike the others who has company.
I remember a few years back I used to try my best to make friends every time I go to programs like these: camps, workshops or anything similar. I tried so hard that I knew I was trying to be someone else - someone who does not suck at making friends - so I won't end up a loner.
But throughout these past year or past few months of self-discovery, I finally realised that it's just not how I roll. I'm not the friendly type, mind you; I'm the quiet and shy type. The type of people who would rather just stay silent if he/she has nothing better to say, because the fact is, they don't even know what to say! I'm not verbose; I don't easily produce words from my mouth.
And now I was finally able to accept that part of me. To not be embarrassed if I was unable to find a companion because to me, I don't need to actually find one; friendships should be built naturally. Let Friendship blossom with time.
Don't get me wrong though. I may not talk as frequent as the next girl does, but I still allow room for them to get to talk to me, like sitting together with them during meals even though I hardly ever talk to them unless they start talking to me. I speak when I'm spoken to.
I can't make friends easily, unlike some people who do it with the grace of a mamak flipping roti canai. No. That's just not me. But I do like having friends; it's just that I don't like making them or finding them. As I said earlier, let Friendship blossom with time.
I'm not saying it's wrong to actually go out there and find new acquaintances. It's good to increase your number of contacts. I'm simply sharing with you the fact that I find it really tough to make friends on a first meeting and would rather go with the flow (if that's the right term).
*****
"We have come to the end of the program. Thank you all for such a wonderful experience. Now let's get into a circle and we'll start the goodbye salam (salam perpisahan? :P),"
So there I am, standing beside some people I by then have their face and characteristics memorised, putting so much effort in creating a smile that'll convince them that yes, I did have a good time here, because as a matter of fact, I did have fun.
Hugs
Smiles
Goodbyes
Good luck wishes
Take care wishes
Hopes that we'll meet again one day
I don't like lying, so I either nod and smile or simply respond with a "yeah, you too" to their wishes.
Phew! That's finally over.
Now don't blame me.
It's just how I roll.
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