Backspaces

Who knew time flew so fast huh? From reaching KLIA the other day to having a week's worth of jet lag to starting with online classes to Ramadan to catching up with old buds. Now it's less than three weeks left of my online summer courses which means less than three weeks of my summer holiday. In other words, I have to start getting my shit back together for the next three years of college.

Dammit this is so true. Wasted crap on textbook that I don't even read (Credits)

Actually I just found the meme on the internet and was frustrated at how much it really applied to me.

Anyway, I'm glad to say this summer (it's always summer in Malaysia) didn't go to waste. Here's a list of things that I managed to accomplish up to this point:

1. I learned how to drive. Don't have a license yet but planning to get one in the states.

2. Almost finished watching Fresh off the Boat.

3. Almost finished online summer courses (although I'm not sure how my grades will end up)

4. Finished reading a book (although I wish I could've completed even more books in the summer)

But most importantly,

Credits

5. Survived Ramadan. Now it's already Syawal. My Ramadan goal every year is to not have any regrets after Ramadan is over. No reminiscing the times I could've added more pages to my Quran-reading or more rakaat's during taraweeh. Alhamdulillah I'm happy with this year's ramadan, and hope to improve again next year. I do miss having Ramadan in PERMATA. That was the first time I took every opportunity that Ramadan has to offer, and I began to wonder how many previous Ramadans I have left wasted.

Oh and I almost forgot (actually I didn't forget. I just wanted to put this off until the end of the post).

I get to meet up with some of my closest friends: those from Sabah and those from PERMATA. I'd say, teenage life are the golden days. You grow up with the best friends you'll ever make in life. Because trust me, once you get to college, you'll find it harder to make meaningful, long-lasting relationships and friendships.

credits

And there comes a point in life where we encounter a fork in the road with numerous branches. That's when those whom we have been together with for so long have to go separate ways. And we're left wondering what'll happen 10 years into the future. Well, whatever happens, we have to keep moving forward because you know what? There's no backspaces in life.

p/s: I'm not good at metaphors

Freshman Year (and I'm gonna be here for the next four years)

Credit

Freshman year as a UofI student, I lived in the residence halls. More precisely, a female-only residence hall by the name of Busey-Evans, located in the heart of campus. They say living in the halls is expensive (which, in fact, is not false) but my one-year of being a resident of Evans, I dare say it's worth the hole in your poket. And I'm about to share with you why

1. Friends

I'm neither good nor quick at making friends. Often times, I find myself befriending very few people, compared to others. But there's a perk of being in some place new where absolutely no one knows you: they don't know you! As in, you can be anyone you want when you meet them the first time.

So I used this idea to approach random people in the dining hall and say, "hey, can I sit here?". And that's how most of my friendships come from. What makes this easy is that almost everyone in the halls is freshman, and all of them are eager to make new friends. So why not give it a start huh?

I was one of the fortunate ones who ended up rooming with one of the closest friends that I made during my first year. She's a Korean who happens to live in malaysia because her father owns some kind of Korean market somewhere in KL, so we had a common ground to begin with. Then she met this Asian American (literally means a chinese who was born in America) and the three of us became really close friends. See, although I have trouble making friends, I do cherish friendships that I can rely on, like these two.

Asian-American, Malaysian, Korean-Malaysian

2. Food (not really)

Well, when you keep seeing the same food over and over for a whole year, you'd probably develop a sense of hatred towards what they call "dorm food". And imagine just being able to eat rice with tasteless vegetables and if you're lucky, with fried shrimp or salmon. They do have a variety vegan options such as spinach lasagna and spaghetti but still... I want my sambal belacan!!! T_T

I was very lucky they had rice for every meal. I think that I could possibly become a zombie if I dont consume rice for a day. Huh... Asian crisis. On the positive note however, having meal plans mean that you do not need to bother preparing a meal for yourself. It's all ready and all you need to do is go downstairs to the dining hall

This is the point where I got so tired of their food

3. Location

Omg this is my favourite part! Okay the thing I really love about my hall is its proximity to most of my classes on campus. One time, I woke up 20 mins before class and I literally just jumped out of bed, washed my face, brushed my teeth, got ready and ran off to class. And I made it in time!

Okay sure, I cheated. I didn't shower. (don't tell my 8am lab partner that I never shower before I come tp lab. dont judge me!) But who cares? I wasn't late
This wouldn't have been made possible had I lived further. I would have to wait for the bus but even then I'd be late. I usually walk to class from my halls and I love walking.

4. Resources

Yup. You paid loads for this baby. Might as well just use it. There's a gym which is walking distance from my halls. Sadly I seldom visit it :( I used to go once a week in Fall but the frequency significantly decreased in the next semester. They also have a library and a computer lab in the halls. Both are great study spaces.

Bottom line? From experience, I believe that spending that extra cash to live in the residence hall your first year is definitely worth it, provided that you don't stay cooped up in your room watching Netflix all day. :)

Awkward Hugs and Fake Smiles

"Hey, I'm T. What's your name?" she said, her eyes glittering with the excitement of meeting someone she has never met before in her life.

"Oh um, Nuraini,"

"Hi nice to meet you. Where are you from?"

"I'm from PERMATApintar"

"Oh," she paused for a fraction of a second, wondering whether to continue asking what the heck this PERMATApintar is or to just let the question linger in her brain until she finds the right time to ask again.

"How old are you," she chose the latter.

"Seventeen,"

"Wow!" she exclaims in utter disbelief.

"And you?" I ask just to make the conversation look more of a conversation and less of an interview.

"I'm 20 - man I feel old," the look of astonishment is still present on her face. "So that means you're not taking SPM?"

"No. Well, yeah actually I did last year. Only that I took two subjects,"

From the gap in her mouth I can tell that she has a problem taking 'em all in. "So the two subjects are?"

"BM and Sejarah," I say. "Because those two subjects are 'wajib lulus SPM' subjects," I continue, knowing that the word "why" would be dancing in her mind.

"So is everyone not taking SPM?"

"Oh no, no. The group who are going to fly this year (insyaAllah) are called the fast-track group. The others in our batch take SPM"

"So now you guys can go prepare for Iftar and we shall proceed with solat Maghrib, Isyak and Tarawih," announces the Amira of the program.

"It was nice talking to ya. See ya later," she walks away and joins her peers.

And I'm left alone.

Not that I mind being alone - I'm quite used to it already. I'm attending this 3-day program all on my own by the way, unlike the others who has company.

I remember a few years back I used to try my best to make friends every time I go to programs like these: camps, workshops or anything similar. I tried so hard that I knew I was trying to be someone else - someone who does not suck at making friends - so I won't end up a loner.

But throughout these past year or past few months of self-discovery, I finally realised that it's just not how I roll. I'm not the friendly type, mind you; I'm the quiet and shy type. The type of people who would rather just stay silent if he/she has nothing better to say, because the fact is, they don't even know what to say! I'm not verbose; I don't easily produce words from my mouth.

And now I was finally able to accept that part of me. To not be embarrassed if I was unable to find a companion because to me, I don't need to actually find one; friendships should be built naturally. Let Friendship blossom with time.

Don't get me wrong though. I may not talk as frequent as the next girl does, but I still allow room for them to get to talk to me, like sitting together with them during meals even though I hardly ever talk to them unless they start talking to me. I speak when I'm spoken to.

I can't make friends easily, unlike some people who do it with the grace of a mamak flipping roti canai. No. That's just not me. But I do like having friends; it's just that I don't like making them or finding them. As I said earlier, let Friendship blossom with time.

I'm not saying it's wrong to actually go out there and find new acquaintances. It's good to increase your number of contacts. I'm simply sharing with you the fact that I find it really tough to make friends on a first meeting and would rather go with the flow (if that's the right term).

*****

"We have come to the end of the program. Thank you all for such a wonderful experience. Now let's get into a circle and we'll start the goodbye salam (salam perpisahan? :P),"

So there I am, standing beside some people I by then have their face and characteristics memorised, putting so much effort in creating a smile that'll convince them that yes, I did have a good time here, because as a matter of fact, I did have fun.

Hugs

Smiles

Goodbyes

Good luck wishes

Take care wishes

Hopes that we'll meet again one day

I don't like lying, so I either nod and smile or simply respond with a "yeah, you too" to their wishes.

Phew! That's finally over.

Now don't blame me. 

It's just how I roll.