And Then There's That

What if I eventually become the person that I have always thought I would never be? There only exists a tiny line that separates the good side from the bad, and switching between those two is actually not as difficult as you may think. I remember back in those days when I was quiet and timid and rarely speaking, I used to think that "oh, I shall never be arrogant." (with the whimsical voice of an innocent young girl)

That's pretty much straightforward and clean. It puzzles me as to how a person would feel so proud of themselves, to the extent that they would not so much as look at the people of lower standards even if they used to be best buddies. But now, the reason has become clearer than never before; and it scares the pants outta me (sorta). It's a nightmare, to imagine that the future you would be the exact type of person you have always hated.

Verily actions are by intentions, and for every person is what he intended...

"That's why the niyyah is the core of every action," My brain starts to speak. In pursuing this, I'll have to seek my niyyah. My journey beyond high school is a mere chasm of darkness, where rays of light could penetrate through just enough for you to know it's daylight. In other words, my perception of the future is somewhat equivalent to having a blindfold on. 

If I were to go, why? And if were not to go, then why not? THBT Frankly speaking, I feel inclined to go live and experience. Islam there is nowhere near Malaysia's. Social damage just brings pain to the eyes and ears. But maybe only there will I truly appreciate what I do have now, not unlike the way I finally appreciate living in KK only after migrating.

So what is my niyyah? To present to these people how a true Muslimah is like? How am I so sure that I will do a good job at that? Do I not see that the road of which I am intending to take requires so high a level of Faith that I have to be mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually prepared?

Allah does not charge a soul except [with that within] its capacity

 but still...

...perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not.

 And so ends another awesome day. Alhamdulillah~

(I should try to write blog posts some other time during the day. Doing it at night makes my grammar go topsy-turvy)