Solitude

It struck me somewhere around noon, that since I got here (PEMATApintar) I rarely ever "see" the real world again. I'm just stuck in the middle of UKM (so to say). I remembered approximately two years back when I was in KK. My school was not that far from home but still I had to go there by car. I see lots of things along the way. Shops, people, houses, roads, vehicles, dogs, cats. And on certain days, on the way back home, my mum would stop by CKS or Milimewa to buy some goods before heading home. During the weekends we used to go out to shopping malls - Center Point, 1B, Suria Sabah etc - because there was practically nothing better to do at home. I thought my life was restricted then (having have the same set of routine going on over and over). Well, I never knew PERMATA life then. As I reflect my past on this blissful afternoon, it occurred to me that I no longer see the public much. All I see are the same faces over and over and over and over and... over. The same faces. To the point that I even recognise which shirt is whose, and which shoes is whose, and which baju kurung is whose. The only places I go to is around these not-so-well-fenced perimeters, unless I go for outing of course. I wanted to go outing on my own but my mum won't allow me to. Going with friends? There is a rombongan of girls going out today, but I favour solitude. I don't know. I do love spending the holidays this way. Just me. Alone in the company of my own shadow with sounds coming only from my own brain. The less the merrier I said to Ain. Yeahhh... I prefer silence than talking (though in some unexplainable situations I tend to be a bit loud), and I prefer listening to stories than telling them. All in all, this day was great. ^^

A Board Game of Strategic Skills

Honestly, chess is not my game. I'm not saying this simply because I didn't manage many wins today (though some part of that does put a bit of an influence); but more of the fact that "strategy"? I'm not much good at it. 

Before you continue, it would be my greatest honour to state that this post may be long, dull, and altogether insignificant, so a piece of advice I could give to you at this point is to skedaddle. Scram. GTH outta here. Okay? Cool. As I've mentioned in an earlier post, I no longer have a diary and, this does act as a diary to some extent; and you'll be seeing words upon words upon words in this post, with only one photo at the very end.

There were 8 of us PERMATApintarians, four for each gender. You know what, when I think about it, I had been missing class quite a lot since the beginning of the year. From LDK to this chess competition, and stuff. What's more, I really don't give a shit. Yeah. That's my idea of a senior year. I don't want to leave school with no stories whatsoever to tell people. When I'm out of PERMATA, I want to be able to share an inch-thick memoir and not just some crap on homework and assignment. I want to break out of my academic-oriented self and venture things around me - even if it means sacrificing my grades (though I sure hope that won't happen. Na'uzubillah). All these years, due to the education system that brainwashes people into thinking that "You must score the national exams or else you'll be stupid", I have put too much thought into academic work. Argh. Scoring exams is one thing, learning is another.

Before It Happens

Am sitting here currently having nothing better to do than stare at the computer screen. Wal 'asr. Indeed, mankind is in lost.

Somehow I was reminded by one of Prophet Muhammad's (pbuh) hadith that goes

Amar bin Maymoon Al-Audi (radhi Allahu anhu) narrates that once Rasul Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) gave the following advice to a Sahaabi: “Treasure five things before five: Your youth before old-age; your health before illness; your wealth before poverty; your free time before becoming occupied, and your life before death." [Tirmidhi] 

Youth before old-age. I'm not deluding you when I say I'm still young. Still have the strength, the capability, the power. Still able to stand on my own two feet. Alhamdulillah.

Your free time before becoming occupied. Most of the time, I find myself either having absolutely nothing to do or extremely huge piles of work to be settled. When will I ever learn? *sigh*

Your life before your death. YOLO. I'm sure you've at least heard of that. You only live once. You only have one chance to live in this dunya before going on to the hereafter. So why waste this golden opportunity, to gain as much amal as could? Because when Malaikat Jibril comes, you know that your time is up...

Silence

Many times I remind myself of this quote

Many times I try putting it to practice

Many times... I failed...

O Allah, provide me strength to refrain myself from unnecessary speech,

for the more words produced by the mouth, the more likely it is for me to speak things that may be the reason for Your displeasure

I am only silent in the presence of those I am not used to (a few years back I used to be the quiet type)

And once people whom I am comfortable with gets into my zone, I start talking, often about worldly things. I should stop that. Halt. Terminate. Discontinue. Put a stop to it. 

People always say that girls talk way more than boys, and I disagree with that statement to some extent. I do wish that one day I may reduce the urge to speak nonsense. Amiin. Truly, the tongue is the sharpest, most powerful weapon that one owns.

However it is, I just have to be certain that I shall never throw in the towel. Ever.

Ouch

Past experiences? Probably the root cause. Bukan aku nak tuduh orang macam-macam, tapi tolonglah. Bila hati ini rasa sakit - betul-betul sakit - aku lebih rela berdiam diri. Biar orang tak nampak. Biar orang tak tau. Sebab sapa peduli kan? When it comes to fabricating the truth, to me, you have crossed the line. Bukan, bukan aku benci pada orangnya; aku benci pada perbuatan itu. Mungkin salah aku jugak, sebab terlalu mudah terasa. Sensitif. Kalau aku dah terasa tu, memang aku singkirkan orang tu dari hidup aku sehinggalah perasaan aku kembali reda. Cubalah aku kuatkan hati ni sikit, bagi keras sikit. Jangan senang sangat nak terasa nie. Biarlah dia. Pilihan dia. Kehidupan dia. Dia nak cakap apapun, terpulang pada aku untuk telan walaupun pahit. Aku... memang have been having doubts since... since you first did what you did to me a few moments ago (or at least it seemed to be merely moments ago). Bukan sekali dua kali, tapi banyak kali. Kau mengingatkan aku terlalu banyak pada peristiwa yang pernah berlaku suatu ketika dahulu. Duka. Maaf, kerana aku terlalu emosi. Kerana aku tidak mampu nak meletakkan kepercayaan itu lagi. Memang dah lama hilang pun. 

Maaf...

Budak-budak Biotech

I was having my breakfast when Dalila Safiah told me that Kak Zana (our previous biotech instructor during PCS 2012) is having an Akikah and we're invited. Yay! I thought I was going to bore to death today being cooped up in my room all day long (too lazy to go for outing). Then Kasdi phoned me (I actually don't save anybody of my friend's number in my mobile phone. Just putting that out there) asking me whether I'd join in for the Akikah. Of course I would. Haha.

Dr Zul (another biotech instructor who happens to be Kak Zana's husband) picked us up at around 1.45 p.m. There were 9 of us: Abul Munzeer, Kasdi, Ruzainy, Where, Dalila, Alifah, Amalin, Siew and me. Lepas tu kan.. ada orang tu yang nampak stress gila naik motor. Sampai berkerut dahi. Si pembonceng pulak nampak sangat lawak. Memang kami dalam kereta tu ketawa gila-gila la XD. Being able to be their guest was truly an honour, and it's been so long since I myself experienced such festivity and family-bonding. Rasa best bila dapat mengalami perasaan "kekeluargaan" itu. (cehh ayat...)

We ate, chat, joked around, and played with some kids. The food was nice. Looking at the kuih still on the plate, the guys were like, "Weyh, si Dalila nak tu" "Malin, aku tau kau nak". And Kasdi was being his natural self - the playboyish part of him XD. 

Oh, and we took pictures.

A collage

We exchanged stories

Situasi di Dewan Makan

Hari nie banyak kejadian yang telah berlaku di Dewan Makan Pusat PERMATApintar Negara. Ada kejadian suka dan duka. Ok, aku tipu ja. Tiada sebarang peristiwa duka yang telah terjadi. Alhamdulillah

Situasi #1: Breakfast a.k.a Sarapan

Ada latihan sofbol pukul 8 pagi, so aku turun DM kira-kira 15 minit sebelum masa yang dijanjikan. Ada sekumpulan pelajar lelaki yang duduk semeja (seperti biasa, di hadapan tv) dan sekumpulan pelajar perempuan yang duduk semeja tidak jauh dari tv.
Tiba-tiba...
TV: UTC.. UTC..
Some guys and girls: Pusat pelbagai perkhidmatan... Berkhidmat, untuk rakyat... *aku tak ingat lirik*
Aku pun tak pasti apa signifikannya peristiwa tersebut sehingga mendapat tempat di blog post aku, tapi memang agak lawak + funny. UTC Televisyen ft. the PERMATA breakfast team

Situasi #2: LDK

Just

A few notes for yesterday and today.

There are sometimes people who judge. Be it their speech, act, or their mere presence. The air of judgmental accompanies them at every step that they take. I'm not trying to point fingers. Rather, I wish to state the degree of my dislike towards people who judge. Of course, we humans can never be able to rid ourselves totally of putting on impressions; but we can try. It makes me feel somewhat less confident when people start mocking or showing doubt explicitly, such that the look on their faces discloses their judgement to the public. Part of the blame is on me though, for I should train myself to not be affected by people's views as long as I'm doing what's right. Thankfully enough, this one person enabled me to feel the pleasure of doing whatever I feel like doing, for he shows no sign of holding any impression on me. Likable, amicable, amiable, delightful, charming. It made my day...

Every now and then,

Sa tau la diurang main2 seja.. But I don't know.. Deep down inside it hurts when they say that

"Kau kan dah orang semenanjung" "Sa takut kau endak faham lagi bahasa Sabah"

I know they're kidding.

Still...

Aku tetap terasa

Walaupun sedikit

So please don't say that

Sa tetap sayang sama Sabah bah

Kamurang la jugak di hati (cehh mengayat XD)

Sa ndak mau hilang the Sabahan accent.

InsyaAllah, ndak akan hilang selama-lamanya :)

Nie semua c Shahin tegap (tapi skang nie sa ndak tahu tahap ketegapan kau sudah) punya pasal :P

Sori, terpaksa jugak sa mention nama kau. Haha :3

Menjaga Hati

Perlukah aku rasa cemburu?
Perlukah aku rasa sakit hati?
Tidak
Then why does it seem so arduous
to rid myself of such thoughts?
I tried shooing it away
Locking the doors so it won't stay
It disappears, in fact
But it keeps coming back
to haunt
and to taunt
to tease
not to please
If only you could read minds
Because in there you would find
Stuff you would've never taken heed
But they are true, true indeed
It hurts
to the point that I feel numb
but I know you are not dumb
To truly understand
Where two of us really stand
I bid you farewell
In my dreams, I could tell
That I want you out of my sight
But there you are, to my left and to my right
It's not easy a task
Still, I do ask
That you move on with life
And I go on with mine

Allahuakbar
In You I seek protection

Tempat Makan Menarik di Kuching

Assalamualaikum. Sebenarnya dah lama dah den aku nak buat post nie sebab cuti sekolah hari tu aku balik Kuching. Makanya, aku dapat pergi ke tempat makan yang aku selalu pergi kat Kuching nie. Maklumlah, aku sekolah asrama kat Semenanjung nie so jarang-jarang dapat balik. Since I have nothing better to write about, aku nak buat la pasal tempat makan menarik di Kuching.

1. Mee Sapi Haji Salleh

Ingat tak yang aku cakap pasal mi kolok tu? Haaa.. Inilah dia! Dalam banyak-banyak tempat di Kuching nie, kedai nie menjadi tumpuan orang ramai untuk mendapatkan mi kolok. Kenapa? Sebab... Sedap! Kalau tak nak tunggu lama, datanglah awal sikit (dalam pukul 7 pagi gitu) sebab *lihat sebab di bahagian dua*. Kadang-kadang sampai 45 minit kena tunggu akibat kesesakan manusia. Keluarga aku biasanya tak kan pergi kedai lain untuk mi kolok. Regular customer lah katakan (sampai salah satu pekerjanya masih ingat kami walaupun kami telah lama menetap di Sabah), (but that's a whole different story)

2. Rojak Kuchei

Birthday

Today is the birthday of the eldest oldest member of the batch (who also happens to be my roommate wingmate). Weehee. I'm no good at birthday surprises or wishes of presents or gifts or whatever. I suck at it. A LOT. Sang a birthday song for her together with the others right after breakfast. Lalalalala. She's officially 17, and in the days to come, more of us will follow suit (though several others would take more than a year).

We had gotong-royong at around 9 to clean up our respective homeroom classes. Sad. Was thinking of how this class differed from the one in my previous school and remembered that mine used to have colourful curtains, lapik meja, paint etc. Now all we have is the same blinds and the same white paint and the same table as the other classes. Bo-ring. Wished we could somehow at least paint the walls to make it look more cheerful (helps in lifting the mood up for studying, thank you very much).

Okay, to be frank I don't have much cool stories to tell for the time being. So back to the title "birthday". I hate birthdays. Not anyone's in particular, just mine. Why? Because it so happens that my birthday would fall on a holiday every single year. You know that school holidays we have a week in the middle of March? That's when my birthday is! However, last year, the holidays were shifted to early of March, so the 17th didn't actually fall on that one-week period. I thought that I had a chance last year but NO... 17th decided to appear on a Saturday instead. Well hooray for me #sarcasm

Before I start rambling on some more, I'd better get off the keyboard. Kinda boring this post huh? Probably coz I'm in the bored mood right nao. Happy birthday Izza!! muah muah muah :P (cehh macam ko baca benda nie kan?)